LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED:

HOW CHRISTLAND LEADERS PRESSURED ME TO CONFORM, LEAVE MY CAREER, AND STAY SILENT AMID GROWING NETWORK SCANDALS

Author: Nicole H. | Member, Kid’s Program, Prayer Team, Small Group Host
Attended: Christland Church, College Station, TX | 2020-2024
This story was published November, 2024

INTRODUCTION

Below is an outline of my own personal experiences as a member of Christland Church, in College Station, Texas. I was a member of Christland for four and half years. Some of you, especially network leaders, might feel inclined to question my story or doubt its authenticity. Others may explain away my experiences as “demonic oppression” or “spiritual attack by the enemy.” I can also almost guarantee the pastors will say that I have “bad character” for sharing my story and that current members will say that I am slandering. However, these experiences were very real, as those closest to me can attest. The information shared below is not twisted to “make the Network look bad,” nor is it a fabrication to sell a certain narrative.

The spiritual and emotional hurt I experienced was the direct result of a controlling, deceptive, and manipulative leadership structure that is not grounded in Biblical doctrine. The culture of Network churches is toxic, and anyone still in a Network church, I pray you get out. I pray for the leaders, that they seek outside counsel on repairing and correcting their wrongs.

I also pray God is able to use my story, to help encourage anyone else going through their own struggles with a Network church. You are not alone and God absolutely loves you. You don’t have to “have more faith” or “do better” or “have deliverance.” You just need to get out, find a healthier church, and start healing.

The spiritual and emotional hurt I experienced was the direct result of a controlling, deceptive, and manipulative leadership structure that is not grounded in Biblical doctrine.

Regardless of who reads this, just know that I did not stay silent with my concerns as they arose. Unfortunately, each time I went directly to a leader, I was either gaslit, completely disregarded, minimized, gossiped about, or ostracized. I don’t believe my concerns were invalid or unjustified, as you will see. So many times, their reactions (or lack thereof) left me questioning myself, my beliefs as a Christian, and my role in this church.

At the time of writing this, it has been about five months since I last attended a service at Christland. One thing I have learned as someone “who didn’t make it,” is the longer I have been away and involved in a Biblically healthy church, the more I realize how much damage this network has caused—not only to me and my family, but hundreds of others who have similar stories.

HOW I FOUND THE NETWORK

THE HONEYMOON PHASE

Our family walked into Christland, on one random Sunday morning in January 2020 and instantly felt like we could call the church our home. We had been on a mission to find a new church home after moving back to College Station and unfortunately had not had much luck for about six months. We found Christland through a Google search of local churches. Initially, I found their website straightforward and easy to access the information I needed about service times and the Kids Program.

I will never forget the first service we attended. Cody Dicks was teaching and the message was about something very specific that I had been struggling with—especially with finding a new church. Many of the prior churches we attended would teach messages that, for whatever reason, I was not able to understand, follow along, or apply to my life. As a result, I often would leave service more confused than when I went in and eventually started to believe that maybe church was not for me.

My extended family situation was not good, and after losing my only brother and having no parents, I was in a really vulnerable spot in my life. This was also during the pandemic, which was very isolating and stressful.

For context, I had been “born and raised” Lutheran. I was baptized as an infant and confirmed in the eighth grade. I had some past church hurts caused by the pastor in the Lutheran church I attended and for many years. In my heart, I had always believed there was a God, but I really did not know Jesus and there was very little evidence in my life that I had been saved.

But then, when we heard Cody teach that Sunday morning, there was a shift. God was using him for sure—I strongly believe that. Cody was addressing the fact that anyone should be able to come into a church service, with no background in church or knowledge of the Bible and be able to understand what is being taught—and receive the word of God. Jesus often taught people who knew nothing about God, and this was clear in the Bible.

For the first time I finally realized: maybe I’m not broken after all. Maybe I can continue to pursue God and, just maybe, begin to understand what is being taught in the Bible. I know that intelligence has nothing to do with receiving the word of God, but God had blessed me with the ability to obtain a PhD, so I think it’s safe to assume He also blessed me with the cognitive capacity to understand things on an intellectual level. However, it really was not a lack of understanding at an intellectual level; I just had not been saved yet, so, of course it did not make sense.

We basically did it all—if they offered the class, training, or experience, we were there. We were fully committed. We even prayed about the possibility of being called on a church plant someday.

So, for the next few months we started to “get plugged in”. We joined a small group for the first time ever. In the past, joining a small group or life group was something I wanted nothing to do with. My husband and I also started volunteering, I was in the Kids Program and my husband was on security. We also started attending the monthly Team Christland meetings and the monthly Discipleship Community (DC) meetings. We also started pursuing membership by attending the four required classes and completing the Membership Bible Training. We also attended the “How to Pray for Others” class and even went to the conferences. At some point, we also started tithing to the church. We basically did it all—if they offered the class, training, or experience, we were there. We were fully committed. We even prayed about the possibility of being called on a church plant someday.

During the August 2020 Team Christland meeting, by the grace of God I was saved! And then, at the Fall Conference that same year, my husband was also saved, by the grace of God! Both my husband and I know in our hearts, that despite all the corruption in this church that we NOW finally see, God still was working His miracles. God is always able to work all things out for His glory! We were so grateful for all of those people who had moved down from Carbondale, Illinois to College Station, Texas and planted this church. God was using all of the people who had planted this church to grow His kingdom and it was wonderful.

The people in our small group became my closest friends.

For the first time in years, we felt like we had a community—like we had a family who genuinely loved and cared for us. The timeline of finding Christland in our own personal lives was not an accident. God brought us to Christland for many reasons, some of which I do not know and some of them are very clear. About two weeks after we had attended our first service at Christland, I tragically lost my younger brother and was with him when he took his last breath. My extended family situation was not good, and after losing my only brother and having no parents, I was in a really vulnerable spot in my life. This was also during the pandemic, which was very isolating and stressful.

The people in our small group became my closest friends. At that time, I thought we were family. Many of the women I met at Christland threw me a baby shower and helped us welcome our second daughter into this world. Unfortunately, all of this would soon come crashing down in July 2022, when we attended the family meeting led by Sándor Paull.

CHRISTLAND’S LEAD PASTOR DENOUNCED LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS

I should mention that several things happened along the way that were causes for concern and raised red flags.

In the first month of attending Christland, I decided to check out the Freedom class taught by Sándor Paull. Towards the end of the class Sándor, tore into the local mental health providers, especially the ones working for the Texas A&M Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS). He essentially stood up in front of a group of people and bashed local mental health counselors saying “they give terrible advice” and “if you are suicidal you just need to pray and talk to one of the pastors here.”

I decided to check out the Freedom class taught by Sándor Paull. Towards the end of the class Sándor, tore into the local mental health providers, especially the ones working for the Texas A&M Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS).

Little did Sándor know, I used to work for CAPS as a graduate assistant when I was completing my doctoral studies at Texas A&M. I have a PhD in School Psychology from Texas A&M University, and through my studies as well as my professional experiences, I personally and professionally know MANY of the local counselors and psychologists. These mental health providers that he was degrading—many of whom are Christians and deeply love Jesus—have also been able to save hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals from committing suicide. Yet, in a matter of a few sentences, Sándor completely minimized the work they have done for the community.

How could he be so dismissive? I wondered if Sándor even knew any of the people that he was talking so negatively about. I was so upset when I heard him say this that I left quickly after the meeting, thinking there was no way I could keep going to a church with a pastor who says these things. I thought “this man has no idea who he is talking about”, and “does he even know what he is even saying.” Honestly, I also thought it was highly unprofessional and it gave me my first glimpse into the Network’s belief about mental health.

The following week, I reluctantly attended our small group meeting. At the end of the discussion, the leader’s wife offered to pray for me. I shared with her that I was feeling very confused about some things regarding the church and by what was said in the Freedom class. Honestly, I was very concerned and worried about the potential harm that this could be the result of the church’s stance on mental health.

What Sándor said was very damaging and could lead to serious consequences for anyone who was in need of mental health support.

I also felt extremely devalued, as Sándor had talked so negatively about mental health providers. As a licensed psychologist myself, I just could not understand why someone would discourage an individual from seeking out mental health support if they were feeling suicidal. I was offended by what Sándor had said about my former colleagues—professionals who support the mental health needs of students attending one of the largest universities in the country. Also many of these mental health providers that he was so negatively talking about, I know for a fact, love Jesus. What Sándor said was very damaging and could lead to serious consequences for anyone who was in need of mental health support.

The small group leader’s wife ended up pulling her husband into our conversation and shared what happened and how I was feeling. He had explained that Sándor had some “bad experiences with past therapists” and was cautious about seeking out therapy. Both the leader and his wife prayed for me and encouraged me to go directly to Sándor and talk to him about it. Unfortunately, I never had a chance to talk to Sándor about my concerns, because my small group leader took it upon himself to tell Sándor for me, WITHOUT my consent or knowledge.

My small group leader informed me the following week that he shared my story with Sándor. I had a feeling he was going to do that, so I was not surprised, but it still left me guarded moving forward. I was so upset and felt like he had abused my trust.

Sándor stayed silent about knowing that I felt offended by his teaching in the Freedom class for nearly two years. Then, in a moment of vulnerability—my eyes closed, his hand resting on my shoulder—he brought it up while praying for me. I remember him praying something to the effect of “I know there were some hard things that you experienced and disagreed with when you first started attending this church. And as a result of you pushing through that hard stuff, God saved you and your husband.” This is not an exact quote, but very close to what he said.

It’s become very clear to me that the Network as a whole views mental health issues as something that can simply be prayed away, rather than taken seriously.

I never thought about it until recently how this statement is, in fact, completely against the principles of salvation—that we are saved through faith, not works. In my opinion, it was almost like he was saving this information to “use” it to trigger an emotional response from me during an incredibly vulnerable moment.

I had to meet with Sándor about his comments on medication for reasons I professionally cannot share, but during our conversation, he admitted to phrasing things poorly and backtracked a bit, claiming that medication can be helpful. Even so, he said some things in our meeting that gave me pause. My concerns were confirmed after hearing a recent message taught by Jimmy Yo at Clear River, another Network church.

It’s become very clear to me that the Network as a whole views mental health issues as something that can simply be prayed away, rather than taken seriously.

WHY I LEFT THE NETWORK

2022 CHRISTLAND “FAMILY MEETING” TO DEFEND STEVE MORGAN

For those of you who are reading my story and did not attend Christland during this time—or have never listened to the family meeting—I encourage you to go listen to it, especially if you are still in The Network or a member of Christland.

The meeting was held on a Sunday evening. I firmly believe that Sándor was too emotionally compromised to stand up and address the church about this matter. He should have stepped down and allowed Cody or Jackson (the other two pastors at the time) to take over to break the news.

About a week before the Family Meeting, one of my friends at Christland shared with me the news about Steve Morgan and the Leaving The Network website. So, I took it upon myself to do some online investigation and gather some additional information about the entire situation.

I was absolutely appalled as I listened to Sándor dance around Steve Morgan’s criminal history. To this day, I struggle to wrap my head around the way Sándor and the Network handled this entire situation.

When Sándor started the meeting, I sat there listening, wondering how he was going to address the fact that Steve Morgan had been previously arrested for Aggravated Criminal Sodomy of a child while he was a youth pastor. And very quickly, it hit me. He COULD NOT even say what happened. I was absolutely appalled as I listened to Sándor dance around Steve Morgan’s criminal history. To this day, I struggle to wrap my head around the way Sándor and the Network handled this entire situation.

This is what he says (pulled from the transcript of the meeting), “And so Steve was 22. And at that Mormon summer camp, there was a young man who was 15. And the events of whatever the day was, went into the legal system, the judge followed it through, I don't remember what the actual attorney word for it is. Charges were dropped or settled or satisfied, or some attorney-ish thing. And the outcome was community service and counseling.”

A few times, he referenced this as a “horrific sin” and then tried to argue that nothing had been covered up or concealed.

He went on to offer various scriptures to justify the Network’s decision to allow Steve Morgan to remain as the Network’s president and lead pastor at a church. He also argued that the charges of Aggravated Criminal Sodomy of a minor occurred before Steve Morgan was saved and became a Christian.

Well, it may be true that Steve Morgan claimed he converted after the assault. However, Sándor neglected to mention that Steve was serving as a youth pastor in Kansas for a religion commonly referred to as Mormonism when he assaulted the child. As a result of the child’s outcry, Steve was arrested and fired from his church.

I thought for sure they would announce that Steve Morgan would be placed on administrative leave and that a third party investigation would be conducted. But no. They were just going to continue with business as usual and pretend like nothing had even happened.

The entire meeting left me completely confused. I thought for sure they would announce that Steve Morgan would be placed on administrative leave and that a third party investigation would be conducted—or at the very least, that he would step down from his leadership role in the Network. But no. They were just going to continue with business as usual and pretend like nothing had even happened.

Towards the end of the meeting, Sándor shared that there would be “continued attacks” on The Network, and one would involve a “distortion of an event from 10 plus years ago, with a confession of masturbation.” I found out later that he was referencing a story about Steve Morgan confessing to masturbating in a public place!

Sándor then went on to say publicly to the church, in reference to our Network President and a pastor confessing to public masturbation, “ I'd like to find a guy that's gone 20 years [and] not done that, by the way. If you're that guy, talk to me after and I’ll buy you a taco. Like, I just don't think you'll find that.”

Excuse, me??? Did he just say what I think he did?? We aren’t talking about some random guy on the street. We are talking about a pastor and the president of this Network, who is supposed to be above reproach as a leader. I just can not understand how he could justify this behavior.

I just can not understand how Sándor Paull could justify Steve Morgan's behavior.

I also find it very strange how much Sándor emphasized that he knew more details about the whole story but made it very clear that he was not going to share those details. He stated that he “wasn’t at liberty” to share anything more because a “good leader” doesn’t share all they know. I feel that these statements were made in poor taste.

The entire meeting from start to finish, in my opinion, was a disaster. Re-reading through the transcript from the Family Meeting only highlights the confusion we (or at least I) experienced that Sunday evening in July.

When it was over, everyone simply went about their night,as though it were business as usual—like “nothing to see here” and “just keep smiling.” It was so bizarre. It made me question so many things about this church..

WE WERE NOT TO DISCUSS STEVE MORGAN’S BACKGROUND OR READ WHAT WAS POSTED ONLINE

During the Family Meeting, Sándor had said a few things about the Leaving the Network website and the group of individuals who were working behind the scenes for these platforms. He insisted that he wasn’t going to tell us what to do—but then immediately began doing exactly that. He even admitted as much, openly stating that he was about to tell us what to do.

He warned us to not read the content online because it was likely to cause some type of wound. He also mentioned that while some of the information was true, not all of it was—a statement that felt like a common gaslighting tactic often used by Network leaders.

I remember thinking, surely, we would have the chance to debrief in our small groups—to ask questions and discuss our concerns. But at our next small group meeting, there was not a single discussion about what happened. No questions. No offer to talk more in depth about it. Once again, it was business as usual. Nothing to see here.

At our next small group meeting, there was not a single discussion about what happened. No questions. No offer to talk more in depth about it. Once again, it was business as usual. Nothing to see here.

Overall, we were strongly discouraged from discussing the situation with each other and reading what was being posted online. I told my small group leader and a friend that I was periodically checking the Reddit thread. I believed that if I were truly called to Christland Church, I needed to understand what was being said. I needed to know what I was standing with and defending.

My group leader actively discouraged me from reading this information saying it “wasn’t wise.”

My husband, however, had some questions that he felt he needed to follow up on. He was able to meet with our DC pastor and our small group leader. I was not part of that meeting, but I know that my husband came out of it believing that we were called to stay at Christland.

As more days passed after the Family Meeting, people continued to walk around as if nothing had happened. It was very eerie. Empty. And cold. A dark cloud seemed to linger overhead.

I was told this was just all “spiritual attack” and “the enemy” trying to distract us. It was never very clear what the leaders believed the enemy to be distracting us from. I would guess if they were asked, they would likely say “distract from God’s plans,” but looking back it was never really about God. It was always about what the leaders of Christland wanted, but more importantly, what Steve Morgan wanted. I could not shake this feeling; it was deeply unsettling.

We were strongly discouraged from discussing the situation with each other and reading what was being posted online.

One by one, all the friends we made had left. Literally all of them. We had not been part of the original church planting team who moved from Illinois to plant Christlandand soon found ourselves among the few local families who had stayed after everything about Steve Morgan was initially revealed.

Those on the church planting team became more cliquey and we increasingly felt like outsiders. The pastors became more guarded and shut off. Everyone seemed to be sleepwalking through the motions of “doing church.” The joy was gone. The excitement was minimal. There was a significant shift in the atmosphere. I felt sad and heavy, walking into that building.

We tried to stay in contact with those who left, but it got increasingly difficult—not just because of the busyness of life but because, honestly, it was awkward for me. Discussions about the church and Steve Morgan were uncomfortable to navigate. How could our family continue to justify staying at a church that had made an idol of a man who sexually assaulted a child?

I absolutely believe that God forgives even the most heinous sins and that Steve Morgan’s sins have been blotted out by God. However, the concern lies in his character and whether he still qualifies to be a pastor. If a teacher ever committed sexual assault against a minor, it would be nearly impossible for them to be able to work in education again. How does this same logic not apply to church leaders?

How could our family continue to justify staying at a church that had made an idol of a man who sexually assaulted a child?

I do believe that it is necessary to open up a third party investigation to confirm that what The Network is doing is, in fact, Biblically grounded. The longer I am out of the Network, the clearer it becomes that Steve Morgan has been elevated to a pedestal—seemingly loved and revered more than God Himself. It took me time to fully grasp this, but I now see that the leaders of the Network are serving Steve Morgan, not God. This misplaced devotion has had deep, systemic effects on the members of the church.

I went from proudly telling everyone about Christland and how amazing the church was, to feeling deeply ashamed and embarrassed. Soon after the story about Steve Morgan came out, I stopped telling people which church I attended and stopped inviting others to join us.

PUSHING THROUGH, DESPITE THE CHURCH EXODUS AND THE BATTALION ARTICLE

We tried hard to stay connected with the church, even going so far as to host small group at our house. I still love the people from that small group with all my heart. They truly love Jesus, and if any of them read my story, I hope they know how grateful I am for them. That small group meant everything to us because those people were our only friends for the past two years. They weren’t just friends—they became part of our children’s lives, loving our daughters like an aunt or uncle would.

Those in our small group saw the struggle we were going through, and they still showed up every week to pray, worship, and love Jesus with us.

We kept pushing through it all, chalking up our struggles to “the enemy” and “spiritual attack.” During our last two years there, my husband and I had many discussions about leaving the church, but most of them ended in arguments and us going to bed upset with each other.

We kept pushing through it all, chalking up our struggles to “the enemy” and “spiritual attack.”

One of the times we strongly contemplated leaving was after the article in The Battalion (A&M University’s newspaper) was published. This investigative report shed light on how Christland’s leaders engage in spiritual abuse and manipulation tactics.

The article was published just hours before the spring conference, where Justin Major from Foundation Church was teaching for the weekend. Up until minutes before the conference started, we almost didn’t go. But, despite the news, we ended up attending. I have to acknowledge that God was, once again, so good and faithful to me and my husband—this turned out to be a deeply, spiritually healing event for us.

On the way to the conference, I was wondering how the pastors would address this article. I figured, at a minimum, they would make some kind of comment about it or acknowledge it in some capacity. Maybe they would even offer a space for those with questions or those needing support to process the information.

I wondered how the pastors would address this article. But nothing was mentioned or discussed. Not one peep about it all weekend—not at the conference, the team meeting, or even in our small group meeting. Once again, it was like it didn’t happen.

But nothing was mentioned or discussed. It was all very bizarre. We jumped right into worship without missing a beat. Not one peep about it all weekend—not at the conference, the team meeting, or even in our small group meeting. Once again, it was like it didn’t happen.

I also recall that at the end of one session, I tried to talk to two of my close friends about the article to get a better understanding of what had happened. We found ourselves whispering and glancing over our shoulders, as if someone might catch us doing something wrong. We were grown, mature adults, yet it felt like we could not even have a conversation about the serious allegations that had just been released about our church. About our family. About our spiritual father.

Once again, I found myself feeling deeply confused about what had transpired and how so many people were acting like nothing was going on. The article published several names of people in Christland and included serious claims about them, yet it was never addressed to the church.

Again, it was like everyone was saying, “just keep walking, nothing to see here,”... like it never happened.

PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FOR CONNECTED FAMILIES AND LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY IN THE KIDS PROGRAM

Around the time of the spring conference, our youngest daughter, then 18 months old, had a biting phase—a normal developmental milestone. After a few incidents in the Kids Program, we agreed to sit in the classroom to help intervene. She improved quickly, and even daycare workers praised her behavior, yet we were still told she might need a break if the issue recurred.

One night at DC, our daughter attempted to bite another child, but workers successfully intervened. The next day, the Kids Program director informed us she was no longer welcome for an indefinite period, claiming this was “the 6th or 7th time.” Confused, I immediately explained this was untrue—she had only bitten three times in total. I pointed out that the workers themselves had confirmed the previous night that no one had been bitten and questioned why no incident report had ever been provided to us.

The director’s shifting narrative and lack of documentation left me feeling powerless to defend my child. When I asked why other mothers hadn’t addressed their concerns directly with me, she simply stated, “it wasn’t being handled biblically,” without offering further explanation. It was clear the director, backed by her position in leadership, was deflecting blame while using her authority to dictate the outcome, leaving us with little recourse.

I called the mothers to address their concerns and offer an apology. Two were understanding and kind, but one—whose husband is a Christland board member and small group leader—was aggressive and harsh. She insisted that I strictly discipline my child, even going so far as to advocate spanking. Her tone was domineering and condescending, a response that felt anything but Christ-like.

A serious issue involving the child of a well-connected family at Christland was handled quietly, with no accountability or transparency… as if it never happened.

When we met with Sándor, we raised concerns about the lack of incident reports and inconsistent treatment compared to other children. While he agreed to implement documentation moving forward, it became clear this situation reflected deeper issues of partiality and favoritism within the church.

A few months later, another troubling incident occurred, this time involving our older daughter. While playing in the gymnasium during a church event, another child attempted to inappropriately touch her. Thankfully, we had taught our daughter how to handle situations like this, and she immediately told the other child to stop and leave her alone. She then reported the incident to a staff member, saying she felt unsafe and uncomfortable.

The staff member informed us about the incident, but there was no follow-up beyond that conversation. We were not given an incident report, nor were we informed of any actions taken to address the behavior of the other child. It felt as though the situation was swept under the rug, especially given that this child belonged to a well-connected family at Christland. Unlike our daughter, who was removed from the Kids Program for a biting phase that we were actively addressing, this child faced no visible consequences for their inappropriate actions.

This inconsistency was deeply concerning. On one hand, we were held to strict standards and publicly confronted about our child’s behavior—behavior that had not occurred in weeks and was part of a common developmental phase. On the other hand, a more serious issue involving inappropriate touching was handled quietly, with no accountability or transparency… as if it never happened.

It was clear that the status and connections of certain families influenced how situations were addressed, leaving us feeling powerless and unsupported.

After these incidents, I stopped attending events like Team Christland, which I had once loved, and no one noticed or questioned why.

This entire experience felt like a turning point. I realized our family was being treated unfairly, and my trust in the church’s leadership was shattered. It became evident that we were not part of the “good ole boys club,” and the corruption within the church was impossible to ignore.

THE ORIGINAL TEAM FROM VINE CHURCH FORMED AN EXCLUSIVE INNER CIRCLE

Since we started attending, the pastors repeatedly emphasized that we were all part of the church plant, even if we hadn’t moved to Texas with the original team. They said over and over again, in so many different ways, that if you were a member of the church, attended services on Sunday, or were involved in any capacity, then you were strongly considered part of the church planting team and the mission of planting one of “God’s churches.”

Despite these repeated assurances, the original members who relocated from Carbondale, Illinois, to plant Christland held an exclusive celebration at the Paull’s house in the summer of 2024. The event wasn’t open to the rest of the church, and I wasn’t invited because I hadn’t been part of the original team and had already stopped attending Christland.

I had a few friends who attended, and they described the event as“weird,” saying they felt “bad” about attending because it seemed sneaky and dishonest. At one point, they also took pictures of everyone and said “don’t tell anyone about this or share on social media” because apparently they did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. At least this is what I was told when I found out about this event from my friend who attended.

So let me get this straight... We are supposedly part of an active church plant, helping to plant the church, but can not come to celebrate with y’all because why? You just wanted it to be for those who moved down? Fine, whatever—then be adults and say that publicly. What hurt was how sneaky they were about it, telling the few friends we still had left to essentially lie to others who weren’t invited.

If they can lie about a small gathering at Sándor ’s house… then what else are they willing to lie about?

LEAD PASTOR SÁNDOR PAULL REPEATEDLY PRESSURED ME TO QUIT MY JOB

God has a specific plan for my life, just as he does for everyone else. He has walked with me every step of the way, leading me to become a pediatric psychologist. This calling is clear and evident. Time and time and time and time again, God has reminded me of this. Every time I doubt my career path, question it, or feel overwhelmed by the pressures of the job, God shows up—gently reminding me of His plan.

In my role, I have been a light for so many children living in darkness. I am called to serve the Lord, and I am called to do so in this capacity. Jesus even guided me to the job I currently hold, which I started about three years ago.

Yet, despite this, Sándor repeatedly prayed that I would quit my job. He would suggest it in conversations and even once told me to leave my current employer and go into private practice part-time with someone who worked out of the church. Although my husband and I both told him countless times that my current career was clearly God’s plan for our family and for me, he continued to push the idea. I never even asked for these prayers.

Although my husband and I both told lead pastor Sándor Paull countless times that my current career was clearly God’s plan for our family and for me, he continued to push the idea.

I distinctly remember one meeting my husband and I had with Sándor to discuss a potential job opportunity for my husband. The entire purpose of the meeting was to talk about my husband’s career, and that’s what we discussed for most of the time. Then, toward the end of the meeting, Sándor turned to me and asked about my work and what I wanted. I told him, as clearly as I could, that all I wanted was for my husband to pursue something God had called him to—something that made him proud.

But somehow, I misunderstood his question, because he asked again, saying, “What do you want to do about work?” He was implying that if my husband were to take on this new job, I should leave my career and work out of the church instead.

This question caught me completely off guard, especially since the purpose of the meeting was to talk about my husband’s job, not mine. I was so thrown off. I sat there silently for a few seconds, staring at the ground—it felt like an eternity, to be honest—and then found myself saying what I thought he wanted to hear.

As I submissively told him I’d cut back to part-time and work in the schools again, everything inside me screamed that this was not what I wanted at all, nor was it what God had called me to do. After I said this to Sándor, he said, “that's what worked for our family and that was what Amanda did."

While I processed my own words, it felt like this was exactly what Sándor had been hoping for. By working part-time, he seemed to think it would “free up my schedule” and make me more available to serve at the church. He often commented on how “busy” I was, saying it was “a shame” because he could use me for deliverance sessions. Although he only invited me to one session and never followed up, it felt like he was trying to position me closer to the church’s activities. I can’t say for certain what his intentions were, but it’s hard not to speculate given the circumstances.

As I submissively told Sándor I’d cut back to part-time, everything inside me screamed that this was not what I wanted at all, nor was it what God had called me to do.

What I find ironic about this conversation is that he never asked me about work again. This meeting happened sometime in November 2023, and we left in May 2024. In those final months at Christland, Sándor never brought up my job or my plans to transition out of my current role to work part-time in a completely different setting.

What made these conversations with Sándor so difficult was that they caused me to doubt myself. I began to wonder if I had been listening to the Lord at all, or if I was unable to discern His voice as much as I thought I could. I started to believe that I did not have enough faith and that something was broken in me.

So much of what they taught on Sunday mornings reinforced this ideology. I felt like I needed to do more to gain approval and acceptance—not from God, but from the people in this church. I strongly believe was trying to follow God’s plans, not the Network’s. Yes, I often felt pressured by leaders to be like someone else, to mimic their life. They constantly leaned on the rhetoric, “Find someone in the church who has it all figured out and be like them.”

But all I wanted was to live my life like Jesus, with God at the center. Instead, I found myself continually seeking the approval and acceptance of others, especially the pastors, rather than God.

It suddenly became clear that I wasn’t doing God’s work anymore—I was doing Sándor’s or Steve’s work. The more I resisted, the more I refused to fall in line, the more I was pushed out of Christland. And the less I was accepted.

LIFE SINCE LEAVING THE NETWORK

I had no idea how much spiritual hurt I experienced over the past four years because of the leaders at Christland. I also know that my story is NOTHING compared to some others who were in it longer and gave up so much more. I am still processing everything. It will take time, but being part of a healthy church will help tremendously.

I appreciate the friends that we met from Christland who have already left and reached out to us. I also know I have friends still in the church whom I love dearly. A few of them walked through all of this with us. To anyone still in the church who is reading my story, I pray you take time to really consider whether Christland is the church you feel called to.

The best thing we ever did was leave Christland. We took a few months off to process everything, and then we found a healthy church. We started exploring local churches over the summer of 2024 and, by the start of the school year, came across one that felt like a fantastic fit. I was completely blown away by the difference in teaching—a pastor with sound theological training and clear gift in teaching—compared to a pastor handpicked by Steve with no theological training at all.

The best thing we ever did was leave Christland.

The sheer magnitude of having a theologically trained pastor is inescapable, and the damage being done by not having pastors trained in sound doctrine is beyond me. I find the Network’s stance on training pastors very concerning. The devil is in the details, and this applies to most things associated with Christland and their Network of churches.

For example, one thing our current church says is “Kingdom-Minded.” Love that! Now compare it to what Christland says: “Like-minded.” This may seem trivial, but it honestly has massive implications. And this is just one example of so many that we have noticed since leaving and being part of a healthy church.

Before I left Christland, I began to clearly see how the messages taught on Sunday were less about God and more about Sándor. They were less rooted in Scripture and more focused on his opinion on non-biblical matters—like how you shoudn’t give your child melatonin, how people with tattoos are “scary,” and why you should avoid taking any type of psychiatric medication.

During my last few months at Christland, I slowly began to realize how much of what had transpired over the past two years has been nothing but a huge distraction between me and God. And when I say “distraction,” I don’t mean that I am “under spiritual attack”. I mean the actions of the people running the church and the corruption that runs through every fiber of this network—how once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Let’s be honest: The corruption running rampant through this church and the network undoubtedly has some demonic influence and spiritual oppression. How could it not? The president of the network allegedly raped a child, while in a position of spiritual power and leadership. That kind of sin carries heavy and dark spiritual consequences that linger and spread in ways you only begin to notice after being part of the church for a long time.

I am still processing everything. It will take time, but being part of a healthy church will help tremendously.

I pray for the people still in, for those who have left, and for the leaders. I sometimes think they have no idea how damaging their actions have been. Then again, maybe that’s just me trying to understand how this could go on for so long.

If anyone from Christland reads this story, I am sure there will be backlash. But I have always stood up when I disagreed and questioned things that didn’t seem right. I felt like it was time to share my story, and I hope it helps others.

Lastly, to the pastors still at Christland: I pray that you open your eyes and see how your actions have directly hurt so many people who you claimed to “love” and “consider family.” You claim to be a relational church, yet those “relationships” seem shallow and fake for anyone who is not part of your esteemed group of favorite members— the good ole boys club. The favoritism is glaringly obvious, and your ignorance of it is inexcusable.

Stop telling members to “look like certain individuals or families” in the church. If you only knew how those people actually treat others—its NOT Christ-like at all. And news flash: I really do not want to be like others in the church. I am not called to serve Steve Morgan or Sándor Paull. I serve God. A God who has made me and called me by name. A God who is gentle and caring and gracious. Not a pedophile. Not a liar. Not a con artist.

To those still in Christland, I pray you never experience what we did. But if any part of my story resonates with you, sit in the presence of God and ask Him to speak to you about this matter. When you come out on the other side, know there are hundreds of others waiting to help you make sense of everything. We are not the enemy, as the leaders claim. We are God-fearing, God-loving Christians who have been taken advantage of and abused by leaders of the Network. And we are done.

Our voices will be heard and people will know.