LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED:

HOW CHRISTLAND LEADERS PRESSURED ME TO CONFORM, LEAVE MY CAREER, AND STAY SILENT AMID GROWING NETWORK SCANDALS

Author: Nicole H. | Member, Kid’s Program, Prayer Team, Small Group Host
Attended: Christland Church, College Station, Texas | 2020-2024
This story was published January, 2025

INTRODUCTION

Below is an outline of my own personal experiences as a member of Christland Church, located in College Station, Texas. I was a member of Christland for four and half years. Some of you, especially network leaders, might feel inclined to question my story or doubt its authenticity. Others may explain away my experiences as “demonic oppression” or a “spiritual attack by the enemy.” I can also almost guarantee the pastors will say that I have “bad character” for sharing my story and that current members will say that I am slandering. However, these experiences were very real, as those closest to me can attest. The information shared below is not twisted to “make the Network look bad,” nor is it a fabrication to sell a certain narrative. It is simply my personal experiences that had a significant impact on my life, which I felt inclined to publicly share in order to hopefully help others from falling into the same toxic culture.

The spiritual and emotional hurt I experienced was the direct result of a controlling, deceptive, and manipulative leadership structure. I am no theologican, but many aspects of the Network leadership do not appear to be grounded in Biblical doctrine. The culture of Network churches is toxic, and anyone still in a Network church, I pray you get out. And I pray for the leaders, that they seek outside counsel on repairing and correcting their wrongs. More importantly, I pray for healing of those who have walked away from this network of churches, finding themselves empty, confused, lonely, emotionally wounded, and spiritually damaged. What this network of churches have done is not ok, in any sense, and yet, God is still so good and He will continue to restore the mess created by the network.

I also pray God is able to use my story, to help encourage anyone else going through their own struggles with a Network church. You are not alone and God absolutely loves you. You don’t have to “have more faith” or “do better” or “have deliverance.” You just need to get out, find a healthier church, and start healing.

What this network of churches have done is not ok, in any sense, and yet, God is still so good and He will continue to restore the mess created by the network.

Regardless of who reads this, just know that I did not stay silent with my concerns as they arose. Unfortunately, each time I went directly to a leader, I was either gaslit, completely disregarded, minimized, gossiped about, or ostracized. I don’t believe my concerns were invalid or unjustified, as you will see. So many times, the reactions (or lack thereof) from leaders left me questioning myself, my beliefs as a Chrisitian, and my role in this church.

At the time of writing this, it has been about six months since I last attended a service at Christland. One thing I have learned as someone “who didn’t make it,” is the longer I have been away and involved in a Biblically healthy church, the more I realize how much damage this network has caused—not only to me and my family, but hundreds of others who have similar stories.

HOW I FOUND THE NETWORK

THE HONEYMOON PHASE

Our family walked into Christland, on one random Sunday morning in January 2020 and instantly felt like we could call the church our home. We had been on a mission to find a new church home after moving back to College Station and unfortunately had not had much luck for about six months. We found Christland through a Google search of local churches. Initially, I found their website straightforward and easy to access the information I needed about service times and the Kids Program.

I will never forget the first service we attended. Cody Dicks was teaching and the message was about something very specific that I had been struggling with—especially with finding a new church. Many of the prior churches we attended would teach messages thatI often was not able to understand, follow along, or apply to my life. As a result, I would leave service more confused than when I went in and eventually started to believe that maybe church was not for me.

My extended family situation was not good, and after losing my only brother and having no parents, I was in a really vulnerable spot in my life. This was also during the pandemic, which was very isolating and stressful.

For context, I had been “born and raised” Lutheran. I was baptized as an infant and confirmed in the 8th grade. I had some past church hurts, caused by the pastor in the Lutheran church I attended and for many years, I did not attend church. In my heart, I had always believed there was a God, but I really did not know Jesus and there was very little evidence in my life that I had been saved.

But then, when we heard Cody teach that Sunday morning, there was a shift. God was using him for sure—I strongly believe that. Cody was addressing the fact that anyone should be able to come into a church service, with no background in church or knowledge of the Bible and be able to understand what is being taught—and receive the word of God. Jesus often taught people who knew nothing about God, and this was clear in the Bible.

For the first time I finally realized: maybe I’m not broken after all. Maybe I can continue to pursue God and, just maybe, begin to understand what is being taught in the Bible. I know that intelligence has nothing to do with receiving the word of God, but God had blessed me with the ability to obtain a PhD, so I think it’s safe to assume He also blessed me with the cognitive capacity to understand things on an intellectual level. So my struggle to understand the Bible was not a lack of understanding at an intellectual level; I just had not been saved yet so, of course it did not make sense.

We basically did it all—if they offered the class, training, or experience, we were there. We were fully committed. We even prayed about the possibility of being called on a church plant someday.

So, for the next few months we started to “get plugged in”. We started out by joining a small group for the first time ever. In the past, joining a small group or life group was something I wanted nothing to do with but felt like we could benefit from doing this. My husband and I also started volunteering, I was in the Kids Program and my husband was on security. We attended monthly Team Christland meetings and monthly Discipleship Community (DC) meetings. We very quickly started pursuing membership by attending the four required classes and completing the Membership Bible Training. We participated in“How to Pray for Others” class and even went to a few of the conferences. At some point, we started tithing to Christland. We basically did it all—if they offered the class, training, or experience we were there. We were fully committed. We even prayed about the possibility of being called on a church plant someday. Oh and we NEVER missed a service. We planned our trips or vacations around church events/Sunday mornings and if a child was sick, either my husband or myself would still attend service.

During the August 2020 Team Christland meeting, by the grace of God I was saved! And then, at the Fall Conference that same year, my husband was also saved, by the grace of God! Both my husband and I know in our hearts, that despite all the corruption in this church that we NOW finally see, God still was working His miracles. God is always able to work all things out for His glory! We were so grateful for all of thepeople who had moved down from Carbondale, Illinois to College Station, Texas and planted this church. God was using all of the people who had planted this church to grow His kingdom and it was wonderful.

The people in our small group became my closest friends. At that time, I thought we were family.

For the first time in years, we felt like we had a community—like we had a family who genuinely loved and cared for us. The timeline of finding Christland in our own personal lives was not an accident by any means either. God brought us to Christland for many reasons, some of which I do not know and some of them are very clear. About two weeks after we had attended our first service in January 2020 at Christland, I tragically lost my younger brother and was with him when he took his last breath. My extended family situation was not good, and after losing my only brother and having no parents, I was in a really vulnerable spot in my life. We also had the pandemic a few months later, which was very isolating and stressful.

The people in our small group became my closest friends. At that time, I thought we were family. Many of the women I met at Christland threw me a baby shower and helped us welcome our second daughter into this world. If you are reading this story and you attended my baby shower, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Those memories hold a special place in my heart. Unfortunately, all of this would soon come crashing down in July 2022, when we attended the family meeting led by Sándor Paull.

CHRISTLAND’S LEAD PASTOR DENOUNCED LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH PROFESSIONALS

Before I continue, I should mention that several things happened along the way during those first two years that were causes for concern and raised red flags.

In the first month of attending Christland, I decided to check out the freedom class taught by Sándor Paull. Towards the end of the class Sándor tore into the local mental health providers, especially the ones working for the Texas A&M Counseling and Psychological Services (now known as University Health Service). He essentially stood up in front of a group of people and bashed local mental health counselors saying “they give terrible advice” and “if you are suicidal you just need to pray and talk to one of the pastors here.” I had a coworker with me at this class and we both just stared at each other in shock, with our jaws on the floor.

I decided to check out the Freedom class taught by Sándor Paull. Towards the end of the class Sándor tore into the local mental health providers, especially the ones working for the Texas A&M Counseling and Psychological Services (now known as University Health Service).

Little did Sándor know, I used to work for the Student Counseling Services as a graduate assistant when I was completing my doctoral studies at Texas A&M. I have a PhD in School Psychology from Texas A&M University, and through my studies as well as my professional experiences, I have had the opportunity to personally and professionally get to know MANY of the local counselors and psychologists that he was talking badly about.

I was also currently working as a licensed psychologist at a private practice at the time. The mental health providers that he was degrading,—many of whom are Christians and deeply love Jesus—have also been able to save hundreds, if not thousands, of individuals from committing suicide or through some really challenging times. Yet, in a matter of a few sentences, Sándor completely minimized the work they have done for the community and college students. I am not even entirely sure he understood the magnitude of this statement still to this day.

How could he be so dismissive? I wondered if Sándor even knew any of the people that he was talking so negatively about. I was so upset when I heard him say this,I left quickly after the meeting, thinking there was no way I could keep going to a church with a pastor who says these things. I thought “this man has no idea who or what he is talking about” Honestly, I also thought it was highly unprofessional and it gave me my first glimpse into the Network’s belief about mental health. Do not believe the statement Christland has in their FAQ page about their stance on mental health. It’s all a lie.

The following week, I reluctantly attended our small group meeting. At the end of the discussion, the leader’s wife offered to pray for me. I shared with her that I was feeling very confused about some things regarding the church and by what was said in the Freedom class. Honestly, I was very concerned and worried about the potential harm that this type of public statement would have on others.

What Sándor said was very damaging and could lead to serious consequences for anyone who was in need of mental health support.

I also felt extremely devalued, as Sándor had talked so negatively about mental health providers. As a licensed psychologist myself, I just could not understand why someone would discourage an individual from seeking out mental health support if they were feeling suicidal??? I was offended by what Sándor had said about my former colleagues—professionals who support the mental health needs of students attending one of the largest universities in the country. Also, many of these mental health providers that he was negatively talking about, I know for a fact, love Jesus. What Sándor said was very damaging and could lead to serious consequences for anyone who was in need of mental health support.

The small group leader’s wife ended up pulling her husband into our conversation and shared what happened and how I was feeling. He had explained that Sándor had some “bad experiences with past therapists” and was cautious about seeking out therapy. Both the leader and his wife prayed for me and encouraged me to go directly to Sándor and talk to him about it. Unfortunately, I never had a chance to talk to Sándor about my concerns, because my small group leader took it upon himself to tell Sándor for me, WITHOUT my consent or knowledge. I feel the urge to insert that I have completely forgiven my small group leader at that time for sharing my information with the lead pastor, without my consent. But, this does (and did) significantly alter the dynamics between myself and the leaders at Christland.

The following week, I was still attending the small group for some reason, despite feeling completely ostracized the first month of attending this church. My small group leader informed me how he had taken it upon himself to share my story and concerns with Sándor. I somehow had a feeling he was going to do that, so I was not surprised, but it still left me guarded moving forward. I was so upset and felt like he had abused my trust and I had only known him for a few weeks, maybe a month.

During a sermon, Sándor Paull essentially gave medical advice about discontinuing psychiatric medication and never once suggested that it would be wise to consult the treating physician first.

Sándor stayed silent about knowing that I felt offended by his Freedom class teaching for nearly two years. I felt it was pointless to talk to him about it, so I never addressed this with him. However, during a Team Christland meeting in a moment of vulnerability—my eyes closed, his hand resting on my shoulder—he brought it up while praying for me. I remember him praying something to the effect of “I know there were some hard things that you experienced and disagreed with when you first started attending this church. And as a result of you pushing through that hard stuff, God saved you and your husband.” This is not an exact quote, but very close to what he said.

I never thought about it until recently how this statement is in fact, completely against the principles of salvation—that we are saved through faith, not works. In my opinion, it was almost like he was saving this information to “use” it to trigger an emotional response from me during an incredibly vulnerable moment.

Concerns with the church's stance on mental health continued to grow over the course of 2 years in many ways. One particular day really stands out to me. In July 2022, Sandor was teaching on a Sunday morning, I think the topic was about “choosing joy.” At the end of his teaching, he made a statement about psychiatric medication. I will give him some credit and acknowledge that he acknowledged that the role of medication is to keep some safe.

However, his overall message was to not take psychiatric medication because, most of the time, mental health issues could be resolved by God, and he advised against “taking mind-altering drugs.” He also stated that mental health issues are often the result of demonic or spiritual oppression. He essentially gave medical advice about discontinuing psychiatric medication and never once suggested that it would be wise to consult the treating physician first. I remember this teaching very specifically and noted that it was also the same day as the “Family Meeting.”

It’s become very clear to me that the Network as a whole views mental health issues as something that can simply be prayed away, rather than taken seriously.

Anyway, a few weeks later, my husband and I decided to meet with Sándor to talk about his comments on medication and to seek additional understanding on the church’s stance on mental health treatment.t During our conversation, he acknowledged that he likely spoke on this topic poorly and he somewhat “backtracked” a bit, claiming that medication can be helpful. Even so, he still said some things in our meeting that gave me pause. At one point, he even asked me “what does mental health mean?”

My concerns were only further confirmed after hearing a message taught by Jimmy Yo at Clear River, another Network church, about mental health. It’s become very clear to me that the Network, as a whole, views mental health issues as something that can simply be prayed away, rather than taken seriously. The leaders do a really fantastic job of claiming they support any one who seeks out mental health services, but in all reality this is not the case at all.

Jesus heals. And yet, Jesus also uses mental health providers to help with the healing process.

WHY I LEFT THE NETWORK

2022 CHRISTLAND “FAMILY MEETING” TO DEFEND STEVE MORGAN

For those of you who are reading my story and did not attend Christland during this time—or have never listened to the family meeting—I encourage you to go listen to it, especially if you are still in The Network or a member of Christland. I would also encourage those still at Christland, who were at the Family Meeting to listen to it again and seriously tell me that you have no concerns about what was said by your lead pastor and spiritual father.

The meeting was held on a Sunday evening. I firmly believe that Sándor was too emotionally compromised to stand up and address the church about this matter. He should have stepped down and allowed Cody or Jackson (the other two pastors at the time) to take over to break the news. I was absolutely appalled as I listened to Sándor dance around Steve Morgan’s criminal history. To this day, I struggle to wrap my head around the way Sándor and the Network handled this entire situation.

About a week before the Family Meeting, one of my friends at Christland shared with me the news about Steve Morgan and the Leaving The Network website. So, I took it upon myself to do some online investigation and gather some additional information about the entire situation.

I was absolutely appalled as I listened to Sándor dance around Steve Morgan’s criminal history. To this day, I struggle to wrap my head around the way Sándor and the Network handled this entire situation.

When Sándor started the meeting, I sat there listening, wondering how he was going to address the fact that Steve Morgan had been previously arrested for Aggravated Criminal Sodomy of a child while he was a youth pastor for a Morman church camp. And very quickly, it hit me. He COULD NOT even say what happened. The leaders prefer to say that Steve was a youth leader and not a pastor, and they claim he did commit this crime before he was a Chrisitian. Keep all of this in mind.

Pulled from the transcript of the Family meeting), Sandor says, “And so Steve was 22. And at that Mormon summer camp, there was a young man who was 15. And the events of whatever the day was, went into the legal system, the judge followed it through, I don't remember what the actual attorney word for it is. Charges were dropped or settled or satisfied, or some attorney-ish thing. And the outcome was community service and counseling.”

A few times, he referenced this as a “horrific sin” and then tried to argue that nothing had been covered up or concealed.

Sandor continued the family meeting by discussing various scriptures to justify the Network’s decision to allow Steve Morgan to remain as the Network’s president and lead pastor at a church. He also argued that the charges of Aggravated Criminal Sodomy of a minor occurred before Steve Morgan was saved and became a Christian.

Well, it may be true that Steve Morgan claimed he converted after the assault. However, Sándor neglected to mention that Steve was serving as a youth pastor in Kansas for a religion commonly referred to as Mormonism when he assaulted the child. As a result of the child’s outcry, Steve was arrested and fired from his church.

I thought for sure they would announce that Steve Morgan would be placed on administrative leave and that a third party investigation would be conducted—or at the very least, that Steve would step down from his leadership role in the Network. But no. They were just going to continue with business as usual and pretend like nothing ever happened.

The entire meeting left me completely confused. I thought for sure they would announce that Steve Morgan would be placed on administrative leave and that a third party investigation would be conducted—or at the very least, that Steve would step down from his leadership role in the Network. But no. They were just going to continue with business as usual and pretend like nothing ever happened.

Towards the end of the meeting, Sándor shared that there would be “continued attacks” on The Network, and one would involve a “distortion of an event from 10 plus years ago, with a confession of masturbation.” I found out later that he was referencing a story about Steve Morgan confessing to masturbating in a public place! This also took place while Steve was the lead pastor at Blue Sky, another network church.

Sándor then went on to publicly announce to the church, in reference to our Network President and a pastor confessing to public masturbation, “I'd like to find a guy that's gone 20 years [and] not done that, by the way. If you're that guy, talk to me after and I’ll buy you a taco. Like, I just don't think you'll find that.”

Excuse me??? Did he just say what I think he did?? We aren’t talking about some random guy on the street. We are talking about a pastor and the president of this Network, who is supposed to be above reproach as a leader. I just can not understand how he could justify this behavior?

I just can not understand how Sándor Paull could justify Steve Morgan's behavior.

I also find it very strange how much Sándor emphasized that he knew more details about the whole story but made it very clear that he was not going to share those details. He stated that he “wasn’t at liberty” to share anything more because a “good leader” doesn’t share all they know. I feel that these statements were made in poor taste. A “good leader” would not feel the need to make this known. Like why?

The entire meeting from start to finish, in my opinion, was a disaster. Re-reading through the transcript from the Family Meeting only highlights the confusion we (or at least I) experienced that Sunday evening in July.

When it was over, everyone simply went about their night, as though it were business as usual—like “nothing to see here” and “just keep smiling.” It was so bizarre. It made me question so many things about this church and what was really going on.

WE WERE NOT TO DISCUSS STEVE MORGAN’S BACKGROUND OR READ WHAT WAS POSTED ONLINE

During the Family Meeting, Sándor had said a few things about the Leaving the Network website and the group of individuals who were working behind the scenes for these platforms. He insisted that he would not tell us what to do—but then immediately began doing exactly that. He even admitted as much, openly stating that he was about to tell us what to do.

He warned us to not read the content online because it was likely to cause some type of wound. He also mentioned that while some of the information was true, not all of it was—a statement that felt like a common gaslighting tactic often used by Network leaders.

I remember thinking, surely, we would have the chance to debrief in our small groups—to ask questions and discuss our concerns. But at our next small group meeting, there was not a single discussion about what happened. No questions. No offer to talk more in depth about it. Our leader did not even mention it or offer space to process for anyone who was needing the additional support. Once again, it was business as usual. Nothing to see here.

There was not a single discussion about what happened. No questions. No offer to talk more in depth about it. Our small group leader did not even mention it or offer space to process for anyone who was needing the additional support. Once again, it was business as usual. Nothing to see here.

Overall, we were strongly discouraged from discussing the situation with each other and reading what was posted online. I told my small group leader and a friend that I was periodically checking the Reddit thread. I believed that if I were truly called by God to attend Christland Church, I needed to understand what was being said. I needed to know what I was standing with and defending.

My group leader actively discouraged me from reading this information saying it “wasn’t wise.”

My husband eventually met with our DC pastor and small group leader. I was not part of that meeting, but I know that my husband came out of the meeting feeling better and continued to believe that we were called to stay at Christland.

Also of note, I recently found out that if anyone asked their small group leader questions about Steve Morgan or Leaving the Network, they were all instructed to give the exact same response. Which was essentially, “let’s go talk to the pastor.”

As more days passed after the Family Meeting, people continued to walk around as if nothing had happened. It was very eerie. Empty. And cold. A dark cloud seemed to linger overhead whenever I was in the church.

I am not sure if anyone else noticed the shift in the environment, but to me, it was very apparent and I could not ignore it. Still to this day, when I drive past the church I get the same feeling.

There were a few times I heard the leaders referencing the Steve Morgan situation as“spiritual attack” and “the enemy trying to distract us.” It was never very clear what the leaders believed the enemy to be distracting us from. I would guess if they were asked, they would likely say “distract from God’s plans”, but looking back it was never really about God. It was always about what the leaders of Christland wanted, but more importantly, what Steve Morgan wanted. Once again, something I could not shake; it was deeply unsettling.

We were strongly discouraged from discussing the situation with each other and reading what was being posted online. If anyone asked their small group leader questions about Steve Morgan or Leaving the Network, they were all instructed to give the exact same response. Which was essentially, “let’s go talk to the pastor.”

One by one, all the friends we made had left. Literally all of them. Some of them left immediately and others stayed for a few weeks to a few months, trying to make sense of all that transpired. We had not been part of the original church planting team who moved from Illinois to plant Christland. We soon found ourselves to be one of the few local families who had stayed after everything about Steve Morgan was initially revealed. I do not have exact numbers, but it really seemed as if most of the families with children left after this all came out.

What we saw after, over the course of two years, was a slow decomposition of the church family we thought we were part of. Those on the church planting team became more cliquey and we increasingly felt like outsiders. The pastors became more guarded and shut off. Everyone seemed to be sort of mindlessly walking through the motions of “doing church.” The joy was gone. The excitement was minimal. There was a significant shift in the atmosphere. I felt sad and heavy every time I walked into that building.

We tried to stay in contact with those who left, but it got increasingly difficult— not just because of the busyness of life but because, honestly, it was hard for me. Discussions about the church and Steve Morgan were uncomfortable to navigate. How could our family continue to justify staying at a church that had made an idol of a man who sexually assaulted a child?

How could our family continue to justify staying at a church that had made an idol of a man who sexually assaulted a child?

I felt very trapped. My husband was convinced Christland was the church God called us to attend and there was very minimal consideration of our family leaving.

I absolutely believe that God forgives even the most heinous sins and that Steve Morgan’s sins have been blotted out by God. However, the concern lies in his character and whether he still qualifies to be a pastor. If a teacher ever committed sexual assault against a minor, it would be nearly impossible for them to be able to work in education again. How does this same logic not apply to church leaders?

The longer I am out of the Network, the clearer it becomes that Steve Morgan has been elevated to a pedestal—seemingly loved and revered more than God Himself. It took me time to fully grasp this, but I now see that the leaders of the Network are serving Steve Morgan, not God. This misplaced devotion has had deep, systemic negative effects on the members of the church.

PUSHING THROUGH, DESPITE THE CHURCH EXODUS AND THE BATTALION ARTICLE

We tried hard to stay connected with the church, even going so far as to host small groups at our house. I still love the people from that small group with all my heart. They truly love Jesus, and if any of them read my story, I hope they know how grateful I am for them. That small group meant everything to us because those people were our only friends for the past two years. They weren’t just friends—they became part of our children’s lives, loving our daughters like an aunt or uncle would.

Those in our small group saw the struggle we were going through, yet they still showed up every week to pray, worship, and love Jesus with us. I also have to share that at some point, I just started shutting down. I stopped sharing my struggles. I stopped opening up. Not because of anyone in my small group but because I began to believe it was just me that was feeling this way.

We kept pushing through it all, chalking up our struggles to “the enemy” and “spiritual attack.” Over the past two years, my husband and I had many discussions about leaving the church, but most of them ended in arguments and us going to bed upset with each other.

We kept pushing through it all, chalking up our struggles to “the enemy” and “spiritual attack.”

One of the times we strongly contemplated leaving was after the article in The Battalion (A&M University’s newspaper) was published. This investigative report shed light on how Christland’s leaders engage in spiritual abuse and manipulation tactics.

I highly encourage anyone who attends Christland or is contemplating becoming a member of this church or network, to read this article. It is very real. Multiple men in the church getting away with sexual exploitation. The article actually leaves out some really serious and concerning details about the men in charge at that church. I had no idea all of this was going on, and a few of those stories were men in different roles who I trusted in my home for a few different small group related functions. Finding out this information after the fact about these men, who were supposed to be held in a higher regard, is honestly terrifying.

The article was published just hours before the spring conference, where Justin Major, another pastor from a network church, was teaching for the weekend. Up until minutes before the conference started, we almost didn’t go. But, despite the news, we ended up attending. I have to acknowledge that God was, once again, so good and faithful to me and my husband—this turned out to be a deeply, spiritually healing event for us.

On the way to the conference, I was wondering how the pastors would address this article. I figured, at a minimum, they would make some kind of comment about it or acknowledge it in some capacity during announcements. Maybe they would even offer a space for those with questions or those needing support to process the information.

I wondered how the pastors would address this article. But nothing was mentioned or discussed. Not one peep about it all weekend—not at the conference, the team meeting, or even in our small group meeting. Once again, it was like it didn’t happen.

But nothing was mentioned or discussed. It was all very bizarre. We jumped right into worship without missing a beat. Not one peep about it all weekend—not at the conference, the team meeting, or even in our small group meeting. Once again, it was like it didn’t even happen.

I also recall that at the end of one session, I tried to talk to two of my close friends about the article to get a better understanding of the information that had been published. We found ourselves whispering and glancing over our shoulders, as if someone might catch us doing something wrong. Here we are, grown, mature adults, yet it felt like we could not even have a conversation about the serious allegations that had just been released about our church. About our family. About our spiritual father. And yet, despite the seriousness of this matter, no one even batted an eye.

Once again, I found myself feeling deeply confused about what had transpired and how so many people were acting like nothing was going on. The article published several names of people in Christland and included serious claims about them, yet it was never addressed to the church. If it was, it was handled privately. I understand some matters should be addressed in private but this was a matter that affected essentially the entire church body and was no longer a private matter if you ask me.

Again, it was like everyone was saying, “just keep walking, nothing to see here,”... like it never happened.

PREFERENTIAL TREATMENT FOR CONNECTED FAMILIES AND LACK OF ACCOUNTABILITY IN THE KIDS PROGRAM

Around the time of the spring conference, our youngest daughter, then 18 months old, had a biting phase—a normal developmental milestone. After a few incidents in the Kids Program, we agreed to sit in the classroom to help intervene. She improved quickly, and even daycare workers praised her behavior, yet we were still told she might be suspended from the kids program if it continued. Since she had made significant progress, we started to leave her in the kids program again, without myself or husband present.

A few weeks had passed by, then on one night at DC, our daughter attempted to bite another child. Thankfully the workers successfully intervened and no one was hurt. The next day, I got a phone call from the Kids Program director to inform me that our daughter was no longer allowed in the Kids Program for an undetermined amount of time, claiming this was “the 6th or 7th time” that she had bitten another child. Confused, I immediately explained this was untrue—she had only bitten three times in total. I pointed out that the child care workers themselves had confirmed the previous night when I picked her up from the Kids Program, that no one had been bitten. They did not even mention how she attempted to bite another child but they had intervened. I also questioned why no incident report had ever been provided to us.

The director’s shifting narrative and lack of documentation left me feeling powerless to defend my child. When I asked why other mothers had not addressed their concerns directly with me, she simply stated “this wasn’t being handled biblically,” without offering further explanation. She went on to tell me that she “understands that things have been hard for us at the church” because all of our friends had left. She also stated “I hope this is not the reason you leave the church,” and had the audacity to tell me that I needed to forgive these women for what they have done to me. Clearly, we are called to forgive. That is not the concern. The concern I have with this is, please explain to me what do I need to forgive them about if they are just concerned mothers, bringinging their concerns to the attention of the director? That is not what this was at all.

It was VERY clear the director, backed by her position in leadership, was deflecting blame while using her authority to dictate the outcome, leaving us with little recourse. Later on it was discovered that none of the child care workers informed the director of this incident, but it was a mother who would later be ugly to me on the phone. This mother had told the director the details, without ever coming to speak to me directly.

I thought about it for the rest of the day and decided to call the mothers the next day to address their concerns and offer an apology. Our DC was predominantly college students at that time, with about 4 or 5 families with small children. Of those who were there that night, two were super understanding and kind as I explained why I was calling, but one—whose husband is a Christland board member and small group leader—was aggressive and harsh. She insisted that I strictly discipline my child, even going so far as to advocate spanking. She interrupted me as I tried to explain and she questioned my choices as a parent, in a very ugly way. Her tone was domineering and condescending, a response that felt anything but Christ-like. Her husband later told my husband that I “was just being sensitive” and that his wife would never react that way.

A serious issue involving the child of a well-connected family at Christland was handled quietly, with no accountability or transparency… as if it never happened.

After a few more days had passed and we had a chance to meet with Sándor to discuss this situation. We raised concerns about the lack of incident reports and inconsistent treatment compared to other children. While he agreed to implement documentation moving forward, it became clear this situation reflected deeper issues of partiality and favoritism within the church. I know for a fact that my child is not the only one who bit another child. However, for whatever reason, my child was the only one to be “banned” from attending the Kids Program.

How in the world are you going to deny an 18-month-old (or any child for that matter) an opportunity to be in an environment that is teaching about God’s Kingdom? I'm biased because it is my child that was involved, but it breaks my heart to know, this is how they treat children. Any issues with behavior are not tolerated in the Kids Program unless the parent is an esteemed member of the church, in which case it is swept under the rug or chalked up to “typical kid behavior.” This is not an assumption or me “slandering” in any way shape or form. This is a fact. I know if any of the leaders from Christland actually read this, they will deny, deny, deny.

A few months later, another troubling incident occurred, this time involving our older daughter. While playing in the gymnasium during a church event, another child attempted to inappropriately touch her. Thankfully, we had taught our daughter how to handle situations like this, and she immediately told the other child to stop and leave her alone. She then reported the incident to a staff member, saying she felt unsafe and uncomfortable.

The staff member informed us about the incident, but there was no follow-up beyond that conversation. We were not given an incident report, nor were we informed of any actions taken to address the behavior of the other child.

It felt as though the situation was swept under the rug, especially given that this child belonged to a well-connected family at Christland. Unlike our daughter, who was removed from the Kids Program for a biting phase that we were actively addressing, this child faced no visible consequences for their inappropriate actions. This happened often with another male child, where he made several of the young girls feel uncomfortable and NOTHING was ever done to address it. And the only reason can think of is because of who this child’s parents are.

It became evident that we were not part of the “good ole boys club,” and the corruption within the church was impossible to ignore.

This inconsistency was deeply concerning. On one hand, we were held to strict standards and publicly confronted about our child’s behavior—behavior that had not occurred in weeks and was part of a common developmental phase. On the other hand, a more serious issue involving inappropriate touching was handled quietly, with no accountability or transparency… as if it never happened.

It was clear that the status and connections of certain families influenced how situations were addressed, leaving us feeling powerless and unsupported.

After these incidents, I stopped attending events like Team Christland, which I had once loved and looked forward to every month, and no one noticed or questioned why. It was like I didn’t even exist in this church anymore. A church where the pastor led me to believe he was my spiritual father. A church which I thought was “relational” and cared about me. A church wthato I thought was my family.

This entire experience felt like a turning point. I realized our family was being treated unfairly, and my trust in the church’s leadership was shattered. It became evident that we were not part of the “good ole boys club,” and the corruption within the church was impossible to ignore.

THE ORIGINAL TEAM FROM VINE CHURCH FORMED AN EXCLUSIVE INNER CIRCLE

Since we started attending, the pastors repeatedly emphasized that we were all part of the church plant, even if we had not moved to Texas with the original team.. They said over and over again, in so many different ways, that if you were a member of the church, attended services on Sunday, or were involved in any capacity, then you were considered part of the church planting team and the mission of planting one of “God’s churches.”

Despite these repeated assurances, the original members who relocated from Carbondale, Illinois, to plant Christland held an exclusive celebration at the Paull’s house in the summer of 2024. The event was not open to the rest of the church, and we had not been invited because we had not been part of the original team. By this point though, we had also stopped attending services.

I had a few friends who attended, and they described the event as“weird,” saying they felt “bad” about attending because it seemed sneaky and dishonest. At one point, they also took pictures of everyone and said “don’t tell anyone about this or share on social media” because apparently they did not want to hurt anyone's feelings. At least this is what I was told when I found out about this event from my friend who attended.

So let me get this straight... We are supposedly part of an active church plant, helping to plant the church, but can not come to celebrate with y’all because why? You just wanted it to be for those who moved down? Fine, whatever—then be adults and say that publicly. What hurt was how sneaky they were about it, telling the few friends we still had left to essentially lie to others who weren’t invited.

If they can lie about a small gathering at Sándor ’s house… then what else are they willing to lie about?

LEAD PASTOR SÁNDOR PAULL REPEATEDLY PRESSURED ME TO QUIT MY JOB

God has a specific plan for my life, just as he does for everyone else. He has walked with me every step of the way, leading me to become a pediatric psychologist. This calling is clear and evident. Time and time and time and time again, God reminds me of this. Every time I doubt my career path, question it, or feel overwhelmed by the pressures of the job, God shows up—gently reminding me of His plan.

In my role, I have been a light for so many children living in darkness. I am called to serve the Lord, and I am called to do so in this capacity. Jesus even guided me to the job I currently hold, which I have been working in since the end of 2021.

Yet, despite this, Sándor repeatedly prayed that I would quit my job. He would suggest it in conversations and even once told me to leave my current employer and go into private practice part-time with someone who worked out of the church. Although my husband and I both told him countless times that my chosen career and current employer were clearly God’s plan for our family and for me, he continued to push the idea. I never even asked for these prayers.

Although my husband and I both told lead pastor Sándor Paull countless times that my current career was clearly God’s plan for our family and for me, he continued to push the idea.

I also very distinctly remember a conversation I had about treating patients who identify as transgender. His response was “do you really think that’s a good idea to work with those patients?” I was so taken back by this comment! To me, this question was extremely inappropriate, unprofessional, and very stigmatizing.

On another occasion, my husband and I met with Sándor to discuss a potential job opportunity for my husband. The entire purpose of the meeting was to talk about my husband’s career, and that’s what we discussed for most of the time. Then, toward the end of the meeting, Sándor turned to me and asked me what I wanted. I told him, as clearly as I could, that all I wanted was for my husband to pursue something God had called him to—something that made him feel proud or good about himself.

But somehow, I misunderstood his question, because he asked again, saying, “What do you want to do about work?”

This question caught me completely off guard, especially since the purpose of the meeting was to talk about my husband’s job, not mine. I was so thrown off. I sat there silently for a few seconds, staring at the ground—it felt like an eternity, to be honest—and then found myself saying what I thought he wanted to hear. For some reason, I felt so pressured by him and I am not even sure why.

As I submissively told Sándor I’d cut back to part-time, everything inside me screamed that this was not what I wanted at all, nor was it what God had called me to do.

As I submissively told him I’d cut back to part-time, everything inside me screamed that this was not what I wanted at all, nor was it what God had called me to do. After I said this to Sándor, he said “that's what worked for our family and that was what [my wife] Amanda did.”

While I processed my own words, it felt like this was exactly what Sándor had been hoping for. By working part-time, he seemed to think it would “free up my schedule” and make me more available to serve at the church. He often commented on how “busy” I was, saying it was “a shame.” I can’t say for certain what his intentions were, but it’s hard not to speculate given the circumstances.

I also very clearly did not fit the mold of most wives in the church. I am sure there were other working mothers in this church, but I was not aware of many. If they did work, it was part-time. But once someone had a baby, it was very unlikely they would go back to work after. I have no issues with women choosing to stay home and not pursue work or a career outside of their family. It is a wonderful thing to have the freedom to make that choice, as a woman. Unfortunately, I just did not fall into line with this very clear but unspoken expectations of the women in this church. And I often felt ostracized. Many of the mothers would get together for play dates during the weekday or do things in the community together. I love that they have this. Being a stay-at-home mom is incredibly hard and demanding, requiring support from friends and the community. But I was not included in the other mom group activities. I just simply was an afterthought most of the time.

I just did not fall into line with this very clear but unspoken expectations of the women in this church.

What I find ironic about this conversation with Sándor is that he never asked me about work again. This meeting happened sometime in November 2023, and we left in May 2024. In those final months at Christland, Sándor never brought up my job or my plans to transition out of my current role to work part-time.

What made these conversations with Sándor so difficult was that they caused me to doubt myself. I began to wonder if I had been listening to the Lord at all, or if I was unable to discern His voice as much as I thought I could. I started to believe that I did not have enough faith and that something was broken in me.

So much of what they taught on Sunday mornings reinforced this ideology. I felt like I needed to do more to gain approval and acceptance—not from God, but from the people in this church. I strongly believed I was following God’s plans, not the Network’s. Yet, I often felt pressured by leaders to be like someone else, to mimic their life.

They constantly leaned on the rhetoric, “Find someone in the church who has it all figured out and be like them.” And this is not specific to only Biblical values or beliefs. This is with everyday life stuff, like co-sleeping with your child or dressing a certain way.

These conversations with Sándor caused me to doubt myself. I started to believe that I did not have enough faith and that something was broken in me.

But all I wanted was to live my life like Jesus, with God at the center. Instead, I found myself continually seeking the approval and acceptance of others, especially the pastors, rather than God.

It suddenly became clear that I wasn’t doing God’s work anymore—I was doing Sándor’s or Steve’s work. The more I resisted, the more I refused to fall in line, the more I was pushed out of Christland. And the less I was accepted.

LIFE SINCE LEAVING THE NETWORK

I had no idea how much spiritual hurt I experienced over the past four-and-a-half years because of the leaders at Christland. The pain continues to linger since leaving, more than ever. I just didn’t even realize the magnitude of the leader’s actions at Christland or within this network of churches until I completely stepped away. I saw red flags everywhere, but I ignored them or tried to justify it in some way by ascribing to the narrative of “it's just the enemy.”

I also know that my story is NOTHING compared to some others who were in it longer and gave up so much more. I am still processing everything. It will take time, but being part of a non-network, Biblically healthy church, has already begun to help tremendously.

I appreciate the friends that we met from Christland who had already left and reached out to us. I have friends still in the church whom I love dearly. A few of them walked through all of this with us.

Only three friends from Christland have stuck by me. Everyone else, it’s like our friendship never even happened to begin with. I didn’t think this shunning was real, but it is.

I also have lost friends through leaving the church. Some of the people who I considered close friends have never even reached out to me after I stopped attending in May 2024. Some even did not respond to me when I told them I wanted to talk to them about why I left the church, which in all fairness, I did tell them I understood if they decided to not respond to my messages.

I was shocked to find that some people straight cut me out when I told them I was leaving the church. Mind blowing. Some of my best friends have not spoken to me in months. People that I spent every week with for years, completely gone out of my life the moment I stopped attending. Unbelievable. Since coming forward and being more public about my experiences in this church, I have lost even more friends who I considered very close to me. Only three have stuck by me. Everyone else, it’s like our friendship never even happened to begin with.

I didn’t think this shunning was real, but it is.

The best thing we ever did was leave Christland. We took a few months off from attending any church in order to process everything. We started exploring local churches over the summer of 2024 and, by the start of the school year, came across one that felt like a fantastic fit. I was completely blown away by the difference in teaching—a pastor with sound theological training and clear gift in teaching—compared to a pastor handpicked by Steve with no theological training at all.

The best thing we ever did was leave Christland.

The sheer magnitude of having a theologically trained pastor is inescapable, and the spiritual damage done by not having pastors trained in sound doctrine is beyond me. I had no idea until I started listening to other pastors teach. I find the Network’s stance on training pastors very concerning. The devil is in the details, and this applies to most things associated with Christland and their Network of churches.

For example, one thing our current church says is “Kingdom-Minded.” Love that! Now compare it to what Christland says: “Like-minded.” This may seem trivial, but it honestly has massive implications. And this is just one example of so many that we have noticed since leaving and being part of a healthy church.

Before I left Christland, I began to clearly see how the messages taught on Sunday were less about God and more about Sándor. They were less rooted in Scripture and more focused on his opinion on non-biblical matters—like how you shouldn't give your child melatonin, how people with tattoos are “scary,” and why you should avoid taking any type of psychiatric medication.

Just recently, Christland added a section to their website titled “FAQ”. In that section they address their stance on mental health. Let me tell you, this is all fabricated to save face. I have first hand heard them talk so poorly about the local mental health providers. I have heard the leaders discourage those from taking psychiatric medication. I have also heard them specifically tell members not to attend therapy unless it was by one of their “approved” therapists.

Don’t buy into anything they say. The leaders do a pretty darn good job at t sounding really good on the surface. Knowing exactly what people want to hear to temporarily appease them. But if you stick around the church for more than 3 months and are “plugged in”, you will very quickly see the truth. They act and believe something completely different behind closed doors.

I am still processing everything. It will take time, but being part of a healthy church will help tremendously.

During my last few months at Christland, I slowly began to realize how much of what we had experienced was nothing but a huge distraction in my spiritual walk and relationship with God. And when I say “distraction,” I don’t mean that I am “under spiritual attack”. I mean the actions of the people running the church and the corruption that runs through every fiber of this network—how once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

Let’s be honest: The corruption running rampant through this church and the network undoubtedly has some demonic influence and spiritual oppression. How could it not? The president of the network was arrested for raping a child, while in a position of spiritual power and leadership. That kind of sin carries heavy and dark spiritual consequences that linger and spread in ways that you can not even begin to imagine. What is worse and what perpetuates this spiritual oppression is the fact that the leaders are either completely blind to this or they simply do not care. Either way, it’s terrible.

FOR CURRENT LEADERS AND MEMBERS

To anyone still in the church who is reading my story, I pray you take time to really consider whether Christland is the church that aligns with your morals and Christian values.

I pray for the people still in, for those who have left, and for the leaders. I sometimes think they have no idea how damaging their actions have been. Then again, maybe that’s just me trying to understand how this could go on for so long.

If anyone from Christland reads this story, I am sure there will be backlash. I have already lost friends for speaking up and out against this network. People who I believed truly cared about me, refuse to talk to me, despite many attempts to meet and talk through what happened in the last few months and after. But I have always stood up when I disagreed and questioned things that didn’t seem right. I felt like it was time to share my story, and I hope it helps others to be on guard if they decide to walk into this church or any of the network churches.

Lastly, to the pastors still at Christland: I pray that you open your eyes and see how your actions have directly hurt so many people who you claimed to “love” and “consider family.” You claim to be a relational church, yet those “relationships” seem shallow and fake for anyone who is not part of your esteemed group of favorite members—the good ole boys club. The favoritism is glaringly obvious, and your ignorance of it is inexcusable.

We are not the enemy, as the leaders claim. We are God-fearing, God-loving Christians who have been taken advantage of and abused by leaders of the Network. And we are done.

I also pray that instead of running and attempting to hide your connection with Steve Morgan and the network, that you PUBLICALLY OWN UP to what you have done wrong. Deleting Network Affiliations on each church's website and “claiming to leave The Network” is not going to be enough.

Stop telling members to “look like certain individuals or families” in the church. If you only knew how those people actually treat others—it's NOT Christ like at all. And news flash: I really do not want to be like others in the church. I am not called to serve Steve Morgan or Sándor Paull. I serve God. A God who has wonderfully made me who I am and called me by name. A God who is gentle and caring and gracious. Not a pedophile. Not a liar. Not a con artist.

To those still in Christland, I pray you never experience what we did. But if any part of my story resonates with you, sit in the presence of God and ask Him to speak to you about this matter. When you come out on the other side, know there are hundreds of others waiting to help you make sense of everything. We are not the enemy, as the leaders claim. We are God-fearing, God-loving Christians who have been taken advantage of and abused by leaders of the Network. And we are done.

Our voices will be heard and people will know.