Commanded to Tithe:

How Questioning Tithing Opened Our Eyes to the Deceptions of Stoneway Church

Author: Vittoria | Member
Attended: Stoneway Church, Reading, England | 2023-2025
This story was published July, 2025

Introduction

For the past 6 months we had to deal with the painful aftermath of leaving our church, which also happened to be our first ever church. We had to come to terms with the fact that people we loved are part of a corrupt system, that the church we trusted with our souls is spreading false teachings, that people we still love and pray for daily are part of that system today; and during this time, I even questioned my recollection of events because I couldn’t come to terms with the impression we had at the beginning and what we now know to be the truth. The two couldn’t be more distant.

I have contemplated sharing this testimony hundreds of times and I finally came to the realization that it is right and just to write and publish our story, not only to make sense of our experiences now that the facts are still fresh in our minds, but mostly to warn others not to fall in the same trap.

The hurt Stoneway and The Network causes in Jesus’ name is not a reflection of what true faith and true Christianity is meant to be.

Before we begin it’s important to know a few things:

We are a married couple who in September of 2023 had just started our faith journey, after being atheist for 30+ years. And the “I” of this testimony is the wife of the couple
I don’t think everyone who goes to Stoneway (or is part of The Network) is evil, actually I think most are victims of misleading, and possibly even part of the Leadership could be victims of a life-long indoctrination. We do however think there are multiple individuals who benefit from this system, whom perpetuate it on purpose, and they are responsible for the hurt and spiritual damage they are causing
We haven’t stopped believing because of these events, actually our faith has only grown stronger, and even though I understand that most people who are hurt by churches end up walking away from The Lord all together, I encourage you to trust in The Lord and in His Apostolic Church and to find your way back to Him, because the hurt people cause in His name is not a reflection of what true faith and true Christianity is meant to be

How We Found The Network

Lovebombing: Shown The Royal Treatment

After 31 years calling myself atheist, I was led to faith in March of 2023. Months of research culminated with a miraculous encounter with The Lord after which I decided to dedicate my life to following Him.

In September of the same year, after months of walking alone and trying to figure things out, I realised I needed community and guidance if I had any chance of succeeding; at this point my husband was still reluctant. So, I searched online “bible studies near me”, because I wanted a small setting in which I could read the Bible, where I could air my questions and debate matters with others. Somehow the first result was “Stoneway Church”. The website seemed promising, so I decided to give it a go, and my husband accompanied me.

Stoneway was the first online result when I was searching for a small setting where I could read the Bible, where I could air my questions and debate matters with others.

It was September 2023 when we arrived that first Sunday. We were welcomed as if they had always known us. Everyone greeted us, everyone asked us questions, everyone behaved like we were instantly family. This was also the first time we participated in a protestant service and I remember we walked out buzzing, thinking we had stumbled upon something uniquely precious.

We decided to continue going, and they mentioned on that first meeting that they did Small Groups, like Bible Studies at someone’s house, which was exactly what I was looking for, so that first Thursday we went to Small Group and for the first time someone prayed for me. It was all very overwhelming, so many feelings, it all felt so refreshing and since I was so eager to get closer to The Lord this seems precisely the way to do it.

I think at this point my husband was still very cautious because it all seemed too good to be true, everyone was too lovely, everything was too “perfect”.

The first 2 months we were invited to have dinner by every single couple who planted the church. We probably had 3-4, sometimes 5 evenings booked on top of Small Group and then church on Sundays. Everyone was showering us with attention, love, interest and we couldn’t quite believe the royal treatment we were receiving. We were told by many that The Lord had a clear plan for us and that our testimony was powerful and it would have changed people’s lives, that it wasn’t by chance this was our path and that we would be incredibly valuable to the Kingdom.

It all seemed too good to be true, everyone was too lovely, everything was too “perfect.” We were showered with attention, love, interest and we couldn’t quite believe the royal treatment we were receiving.

Coming from the secular world where you are ignored and anonymous, and we barely had any friends, I couldn’t believe my calendar was suddenly so full of activities and loving people. Plus, I had just started my faith journey and everything was so new and interesting, and I loved talking about all the amazing things I was finding out about the Bible and the faith in general. Most of all, I hadn’t realised how much I had missed people in my life.

At this point Stoneway had roughly 40ish people going consistently and most of them were the people who moved from the United States to plant it so I think they were also encouraged to see two newcomers who seemed so eager to get involved. We were probably the second or third couple after the plant to decide to stay and serve actively in the church.

Embracing the Noble Mission

After a few weeks we heard about The Network, and the concept of churches planting churches, which at face value seemed like a noble mission. We never met Christians who believed so much in a cause, let alone who would move abroad for it.

I thought we had found our home: people who had our same values and could help us on our journey. I felt like we weren’t alone anymore, that all these people cared deeply for us and our spiritual growth and that they treasured and valued us. Stoneway felt like we had found a new planet inhabited by aliens who finally acted how humans ought to act towards each other, Christians who truly walked with The Lord. Slowly my husband was also won over, even though he always remained vigilant.

We joined every single event they had, Small Group on Thursdays, social events throughout the week and religiously attended church on Sundays. We got hands-on-prayer every single time, in church, at Small Group, after dinner at people’s homes, and we really started opening up about our personal lives. At this point we were in the process of renovating our home, and all the Leadership volunteered to come paint our whole house, which took 3-4 days. They even brought all the tools with them. Needless to say, this meant the world to us, and again, we couldn’t believe the generosity and heart they were showing us.

We never met Christians who believed so much in a cause, let alone who would move abroad for it. We joined every single event they had.

We started serving almost immediately, we went to Team Stoneway meetings once a month, which highlighted the importance of the Great Mission: making disciples and sharing the gospel; and even on that occasion we received hands-on-prayer. I went to the Autumn Retreat by myself in October of 2023 where I was “saved”, or so I thought at the time (may The Lord have mercy of me), and at this point we really thought this church was perfect, the people were followers of Christ and this was the way to be a Christian.

After 4 months we had already completed all the required Training Series. These are additional lectures held after Service where they discuss Beliefs, Community, etc., so attendees can learn how The Network sees Christianity and what its core teachings are. Most importantly, they go to great lengths to explain why they have it the right way around and everyone else doesn’t. The Leaders claim that all their points are backed by numerous verses from the Bible. We later discovered their interpretations were superficial at best and many renowned Theologians have disproven what they claim. However, being completely green to Christianity, what they said made sense to us and truly we couldn’t see it any other way at that point.

We also attended the Pray for Others training. I had asked to pray for people at the front each Sunday since the moment we were officially “saved”, but we weren’t allowed to pray for others until we completed the training. After the training we officially became Members of the Praying Team, which meant we needed to pray for people as part of Stoneway’s services even when we didn’t feel a nudge from the Holy Spirit. Our Small Group Leader would point out certain people who nobody was praying for. We were encouraged to be obedient and told if we didn’t that we wouldn’t develop our abilities to hear the Holy Spirit and His messages for others.

In January of 2024 they announced they were about to start the six week Membership Bible Training (MBT) where they would explain further the topics of the Training Series. They explained that if you completed both the Training Series and the MBT you could become a Member.

We had questions on some of the beliefs but were told to “trust the Leaders” and that “it’s normal to stumble upon something you don’t agree with, but with prayer and time you will see it’s all biblical.”

They reassured everyone that becoming a Member was just a formality, it wasn’t a contract, that it didn’t mean anything really. But they needed it to protect themselves legally if someone was to ask to perform same-sex-marriages (this is one of the examples they used) or other ceremonies. This formailty was so they could tell outsiders that only Members of the church could benefit from additional church services.

According to this explanation, Membership was essentially a shield to avoid involving themselves with unbiblical practices. Then they took it one step further, saying that “if you really believed you had found your Home Church, then becoming a Member was a way to say you were here to stay.” They assured us nobody at the church would hold it against you if you left.

During the MBT, we started having questions on some of the beliefs they presented, but we were told to “trust the Leaders” and that “it’s normal to stumble upon something you don’t agree with, but with prayer and time you will see it’s all biblical”. We assumed we were just too early in our journey to comprehend it all and we agreed to become Members.

A form was given at the end of the 6 weeks, which we had to fill and sign, and it had a checkbox list with “I believe” statements that we had to tick, around all the topics of the MBT sessions. If we felt uncomfortable with any of the statements we were encouraged to book a session with a Leader and discuss it with them. One of the statements was “I agree with tithing 10%” or something very similar. At that point, we didn’t know where we stood on this topic, we weren’t 100% on board, but we trusted in the good nature of the Leadership and therefore we signed.

Once we became Members, we were encouraged to confess all our past sins to a person we trusted, and we picked the couple we felt the closest to, which happened to be part of the Leadership. After a short while, I noticed many people were praying for me to receive the gift of evangelism, they all told me they thought The Lord was going to give me that gift. Others prayed for the gift of tongues, or prophesy.

Treated like Inner Circle

In March of 2024, just after MBT, our Small Group multiplied because the church had grown quite significantly since we had joined. We were put in a Small Group with 2 of the 3 Leaders and their wives. They were struggling to find a location, and at the time we thought The Lord was leading us to volunteer our home, considering the Leadership helped us paint it.

This is when we started being treated like inner circle, somewhat. We had meetings to discuss the spiritual health of the people in our Small Group and we were told that even though we were brand-new we were stronger than others in our group who had been Christians for a long time, so we had the responsibility to keep the Group going in a “positive spiritual trajectory”. We felt this was a huge task to ask of 6-month-old Christians, and it also made us start noticing people’s “spiritual growth”, or lack thereof, which definitely nurtured some wrong behaviors and critical opinions on our part toward our Small Group friends.

Worried about others' who seemed to be struggling, we organised additional times at our place to pray for our Small Group and for the church and the Leaders; I personally organised walks with women almost every Saturday to catch up with them, encourage them in their faith and build friendships. My husband started organising golf events for the men, and over the months we became close to 3 couples in particular; who all ended up being in our Small Group when we multiplied.

We were told that even though we were brand-new we were stronger than others in our group who had been Christians for a long time.

One of these couples was particularly good at organising dinners and events which we were always happy to attend, and we met quite a number of people through them. Over time we realised these dinners were mostly attended by non-Christians, plus a few couples from Stoneway. They had met them in various circumstances and the aim of these social gatherings was to be heralds of the faith and to try to disciple and convince the non-Christians to come to church.

At first, we didn’t think anything of it, even though I always thought it was quite forced because we didn’t really have anything in common with them, not even our faith; but as time passed, without realising it, we started acting like everyone else around us and we understood that growing the Kingdom wouldn’t come naturally, so we would have to make the effort even when we didn’t feel like it. Our faith became our mission and our full-time job (in the worst way possible).

Because we were meeting sometimes 5-6 times a week with the people of our Small Group, we started having frictions. We noticed inconsistencies and what we would consider poor Christian behaviour. The main way this showed up was that the “love” people professed for us wasn’t truly being reflected in their actions at times, which made us uneasy and suspicious of their motives.

We would ask: “Doesn't Stoneway say we shouldn't do that, or act that way?” Since we were all encouraged to share our faith progress in order to become 'self-serving Christians,' we would tell our closest friends in confidence about the tough feelings we were having.

When we asked our confessors for advice on how to handle these interpersonal conflicts, we were praised every time for noticing whatever was making us angry. The reasoning was that true Christians get mad at sin; they don't let sin fester and they act fast to fix it.

The general tone used for everyone who was struggling made us subconsciously feel more obedient than others and responsible to help them, to show them the way. We were made to feel superior because our habits were keeping us from becoming dull. “You are brand new Christians but you are on fire, while others let their faith go tepid over time; that's why you are skyrocketing in your faith and they aren't growing.”

We were asked to leverage the level of intimacy we had with certain people to allow them to “improve and get closer to The Lord”

The response we would get from our closest friends regarding others who weren’t “as strong Christians as us” created an inner classist system where we would only confess to strong Christians. We would discuss weaker-Christians with others, get frustrated at their shortcomings and then pray and discuss behind their backs how to help and encourage them to get over their issues. We would agree that asking them for coffee and trying to get them to open up was a good strategy, we were encouraged to confront with grace the annoyances we noticed, and at times even leverage the level of intimacy we had with certain people to allow them to “improve and get closer to The Lord”.

This was all done in the spirit of “love”, to lead others in their faith, to see them flourish, and to stop them from dragging the group down because it wouldn’t be the right environment for newcomers.

During dinners with our habitual friends, we would comment and be critical of what others were sharing at Small Group, and the consensus was that it could portray the wrong image to people visiting and trying the group out. At times we would even judge how sincere and vulnerable the “weaker christians” were and we agreed that if they were to open up more and let others pray for what we thought were their issues, they wouldn’t be in such a predicament. Even though gossiping was strongly discouraged, everything was allowed if you were expressing “concern” for people’s spiritual journey — even when commenting on the health of their marriage.

Over the months I ended up crying on multiple occasions and asking for prayer because I felt extremely guilty and convicted that I was constantly judging others. Once again I was praised for my conviction, I was told not to be too harsh on myself because my heart was in the right place.

Even though gossiping was strongly discouraged, everything was allowed if you were expressing “concern” for people’s spiritual journey

It was just a matter of time before we morphed into every other “strong Christian” around us and emulated them by showering new people with “love”, inviting new people to dinner, immediately jumping on new people for prayer, following every single “nudge” we felt, discussing ways to convince non-Christian friends to come to church with other Members, organizing praying sessions to encourage The Lord to save them, going to Series (even though we already completed it) to be helpful and guide people to Jesus.

In the eyes of everyone, we were just like the Americans who planted the church. We were treated like founding Members and everyone assumed we had been there for much longer than we were. Slowly this made us want to do even more.

Through this period, we would also meet regularly with our Small Group Leader who asked us lots of questions about where we were with our faith and the people in our lives who we were discipling. He would encourage us to follow up with everyone we met during this time, to enquire about their faith, to push them to come to the church’s social events, to attend Small Group, to invite them to church.

We always left these encounters feeling like we just went to a job interview and not just a meal with a friend. We took this recruitment directive so seriously that we started hanging out with non-Christians just to figure out where they were spiritually. We forced friendships because we thought The Lord was nudging us to lead them to salvation and we didn’t want to disobey; and we would then review our “efforts and tactics” with the Leaders to get feedback.

Without realising it, we started acting like everyone else around us and we morphed into a forced version of ourselves where our faith almost became our mission and our full-time job (in the worst way possible).

Everything became about leading people to salvation. Even though we were reassured we were only tools and that The Lord is the one who saves, we still filled all of our time with activities where we could be used to lead people to Jesus. I would even read the Bible in public and pray it would spark conversations with strangers, or leave Stoneway’s business cards around town. It had become the only thing I was thinking about (again, in the worst possible way). I would boast about my diligence at Small Group and I was praised for my efforts.

Overall, without realizing it, this was only boosting our egos and growing our pride, making us feel righteous over others and entitled to judge and measure everyone's faith.

I remember distinctly that at the second Autumn Retreat we attended in October of 2024, I got prayer from the Lead Pastor. He said he saw a vision from Jesus where I was a strong tree with deep roots and my husband was a flaming sword, and we were going to bring so many people to salvation and then show them how to follow Jesus…the right way.

This is only one example of how we were made to feel like we couldn't do any wrong. We were saved, so all our sins past, present and future were already forgiven. And since we were so self-aware that we would immediately confess when we sinned, we also received praise for being vulnerable!

Troubling Patterns Emerge

In May 2024 we were baptised by lead pastor Brian Schneider in the Thames, an event which we have now rejected and repented for—as we believe in one Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church and we acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins; which we had already received before Stoneway.

We started using the same critical eye we had for people on our church; and we didn’t understand why they weren’t following what they preached!

Things were still good on the surface, and all the social complications I just described were not troubling us back then because we swept them under the rug thinking “this is just what happens when you are in a tight-knit community where you are working hard to improve your relationship with Jesus and everyone is basically your family” - but we started noticing some patterns we didn’t like. Essentially we started using the same critical eye we had for people on our church; and we didn’t understand why they weren’t following what they preached!

Sunday Services started feeling quite repetitive, we were now “saved Christians”, and eager to get deeper in our faith, but the message on Sunday always felt targeting unbelievers who needed to come to Christ, which wasn’t our case anymore. The Lead Pastor’s anecdotes were always the same and it felt like we had already heard them a million times by that point
The numbers they shared at Team Stoneway of how much we “needed to tithe” to breakeven seemed arbitrary and there was no explanation to how they got to it; plus, we spotted an instance when our donation was moved to the tithing sum, even though we weren’t tithing
The church was spending quite a lot of money on food, almost always junk food, and lots was always left untouched. In general, they seemed to spend money quite loosely, as they would invite people for coffees and meals and pay with Stoneway’s card. The Leaders also were flying regularly to America (but we don’t know for certain if the church paid for it, even though we don’t see why not)
The church also organised celebrations of Lunar New Year and Halloween, which felt quite contradictory to the Christian faith and to the beliefs they shared with us previously – something we raised with the Leadership. We told them that they had stressed on multiple occasions the dangers of practicing Yoga: “even if you don’t practice it with a spiritual intention, you are still physically making poses that worship idols”, something we completely agree with. So how is dressing up for a pagan holiday or celebrating a pagan calendar any different? The whole thing was dismissed as “not the same thing”. So it felt to us that they were cherry picking what could be celebrated and what couldn’t, on the basis of how many people it would attract
The people who we were super close to us in the beginning, started not having the same amount of time for us anymore, because more people were joining the church and they needed their attention; this was even part of the way we were thought: “this is not a social club, we need to help people get saved so you might have to decide who you spend your time with and what is serving the greater good” – it’s something they reminded us often
We found the Leaving The Network page but we were reassured it was started by someone who wanted a Leadership position in The Network and didn’t get their way and for revenge they shared something private about Steve Morgan, something that happened before he was saved which he repented for. Once again, we decided to believe this explanation, but remained cautious

But the biggest issue we had was tithing! The topic of money seemed to be always discussed, either during Service (where they would do a whole month on the topic), or during Small Group or during Series or during Team Stoneway. Even when the topic wasn’t referenced directly, if they were listing examples of things that kept people away from Jesus, somehow money was always included, which was always segued into the importance of tithing.

The topic of money and tithing seemed to be always discussed, either during Service (where they would do a whole month on the topic), or during Small Group or during Series or during Team Stoneway.

On multiple occasions, the Leaders told the congregation that tithing was a commandment, and to be a member you had to tithe. “It’s everywhere in the Bible and as Christians we have to tithe”. This never sat right with us, because if Jesus has fulfilled the Law and we are under the new covenant, why are we still being commanded to tithe? More can be said but I don’t want to sideway into a Theological debate!

While at Stoneway we donated each month, the value was arbitrary to what we felt right in our hearts, and it was never “a little”. So during the course of 2024, every time they would bring up money, which was very often, we would have the same conversation at home: “if the Leaders understand the Bible so well, why would they not come to the conclusion that tithing is voluntary?”, then we would think the worst of their motives, we would feel guilty because we loved them and we felt loved by them and so our hearts and our minds were at odds and we couldn’t believe they would do anything with malice. We brushed it under the carpet, until they would talk about money again…and the cycle would repeat!

My eyes were slowly being opened to the fact we were practicing a twisted and watered-down version of Jesus’s Church.

Every new instance made us more suspicious because of the words they used, the frequency of it, so the doubts it generated in us lasted longer and longer. We were so torn, we felt so bad, that for months we considered their arguments and tried to find every Theologist who would defend their position. However the reasons presented were always weak and unconvincing, and after months of research, we arrived at the conclusion one CAN tithe if they want, but we aren’t commanded to do so to be Christians.

This research brought me to read the essays and letters of the Church Fathers and Apostolic successors, which slowly opened my eyes to the fact we were practicing a twisted and watered-down version of Jesus’s Church. This only came full circle in April of 2025, way after we left Stoneway, when we finally found the Church we were looking for!

Why We Left The Network

How We Stopped “Trusting Our Leaders”

Back to the story, we got to December 2024. It was Sunday and we went to church. It was our last Sunday before we went abroad on holiday for Christmas. We said our goodbyes and Merry Christmases to everyone and then we attended a Series on Beliefs after church, thinking nothing of it. We couldn’t have possibly foreseen the result of that afternoon, as at this point, we still felt Stoneway was where The Lord was calling us to be. We loved everyone and even though we had some subconscious red flags, all was good.

We were in the Stoneway office with Lead Pastor Brian, our Small Group Leader, and a few others, and the same paper that was handed to us months before on Belief was passed around. Half way through, we get to: tithing. The word “commandment” was used once again, and to reinforce the concept an example was given of how statistically it’s proven that people who don’t tithe end up giving not even 2% on their net, not even their gross; “and that’s surely not enough to be considered generous giving”. The whole thing was dismissed once more with “it’s everywhere in the Bible”, “you have to trust your Leaders; and if you don’t, find a church where you can.”

Our concerns on tithing were dismissed once more with “it’s everywhere in the bible,” “you have to trust your Leaders; and if you don’t, find a church where you can”.

At that moment, all the pieces just clicked together and we looked at each other with the same expression: we just realised that we didn’t trust the leadership… not with our money, nor with our faith. All the months of wrestling with feelings of guilt for even considering they were wrong and for doubting people’s intentions, it all came down to the fact we didn’t feel we could put our lives, our souls and our money in the hands of Stoneway.

Why did it take us 2 years to realise this? Because this is how the church says they operate:

“As Christians our greatest commandment is to spread the gospel”
“We sacrifice our life to plant churches so that everyone who needs to hear the gospel can”
“We want people to be saved so when they arrive, we make sure they feel welcomed, we want to befriend them and pray for them and see how we can be helpful on their spiritual journey”
“Just like the Apostles who spent time together, we have dinners and Small Groups and it’s important to participate in the church’s activities to deepen your faith”
“It’s important to go to Series and Membership Bible Training so you can learn what our beliefs are and if you decide this is your Home Church, then you can become a Member and part of that is tithing. But again, nobody is forced to be a Member”
“Tithing helps you control your addiction to money and it teaches you to trust in The Lord’s providence; if you don’t agree, how do you think the church and the Leadership is supposed to sustain themselves?”

At face value, none of these things seem problematic; especially because most people in the church believe them to their core and they honestly think they are doing The Lord’s work, so when they advise you to do those things, you trust their good heart. I thought to myself, why would my friend, who's been nothing but kind and wonderful to me, suddenly betray me? In fact, they weren’t betraying me (consciously)—they were deceiving themselves and leading others astray at the same time.

At that moment, all the pieces just clicked together and we looked at each other with the same expression: we just realised that we didn’t trust the Leadership… not with our money, nor with our faith.

And for a while we were doing it too. We had become unconsciously part of a scheme that sounded good but was nowhere near the Church Jesus had intended or founded, and we would have led others to the same fate. Even though we never encouraged anyone to tithe and actually always showed our perplexity on the subject, we surely participated in the love bombing, manipulative encouragement and performance-based Christianity that runs The Network class system.

Stoneway Operated as a Multi-Level-Marketing System

Allow me to explain how the church actually operates: it’s like a multi-level-marketing system!

They keep their message simple, focused only on salvation, and target younger, impressionable people—that's why they focus on university cities. They never evolve from the A-B-C of basic evangelical Christianity (which is also theologically false in many of its teachings), always stressing the importance to “trust the Leaders or find another church" to encourage people on the fence to be flushed out early. The ones who stay learn that they have to spread the gospel like people's lives depend on it—which is true, but manipulation should never be the means to that end.

Once a new person arrives, they are made to feel like they are deeply loved and have friends for life. Once they are hooked it’s demanded of them slowly, through subtle manipulation and collectively leading by the same example, to morph into everyone else and become the next layer of the pyramid and churn more tithing paying members—“because churches need to be planted”.

Before you know it, you are trapped in the toxic sticky goop of interweaved relationships that hold you in the same pattern so that the cycle can repeat itself and more people can get entrapped. The more people there are, the stronger the hold and the more the system is normalised and everyone who says otherwise appears crazy.

It doesn’t matter if it’s real or not, biblical or not: “they say it is so why question what I am told?” It feels so good it becomes a drug and so anyone who comes and tries to burst the bubble, will be sorry for it.

People who might be reluctant at first, end up enthusiastically participating because they are receiving an abundance of what the world doesn’t give them: people to share their lives with, love, friendship, purpose, a mission, common values and guaranteed Heaven! All for the measly price of 10% of your gross income a month. That’s not that bad, right?   It doesn’t matter if it’s real or not; biblical or not: “they say it is so why question what I am told?” It feels so good it becomes a drug and so anyone who comes and tries to burst the bubble, will be sorry for it.

Questioning The Network means you put your whole way of life in jeopardy, a way of life you never had and will never have again (plus you would have to admit you have thrown money down the pockets of a handful of men who laugh behind your back).

New moms get meals for a whole month after they give birth, everyone has at least 5 people on a rota that they can reliably call for emergencies—night trips to the hospital, last-minute childcare, pet sitting. People will volunteer for you to live in their house while they are on holiday so you can get away from your living situation! You will be endlessly invited to birthday parties, baby showers, nappy braais. Moms can go back to work after maternity because others agree to become full-time babysitters for them. Some men work together, some people rent the same apartments, and they play sports together and share hobby nights, but most importantly: many across The Network have sold houses to be where they are and moved their whole family, culture shock and all.

So many happily pay this cost, because they know deep down they are getting something that is too good to be true!

None of us had ever seen or experienced anything remotely like this before. Nobody wants to ask if the Pastors are qualified to teach Theology, if what they practice is true teachings. We wanted to believe them when they gave us 5 printed files of basic Evangelism and claimed that's all there was to the Christian faith. In that state of mind, it was suddenly plausible that Stoneway could tell us everything we needed to know about everything in 5 comfortable 1-hour-sessions!

So members pretend they don't know that the Lead Pastor is paid his weight in gold (this is public knowledge on the Gov Register of Charities website), that the church spends money like the congregation is made of milk cows. Everyone happily sings kumbaya together because they don't want to feel alone—they can't bear to lose the community that helps them and fills their lives with "love and purpose."

The constant “confessing” to others during prayer or dinners or coffees or Small Group means everyone knows everything, and being in each other’s business like that becomes suffocating, intrusive, and also incredibly performative.

You might be thinking: “what is so wrong with people volunteering their free time for the people they love?” Because they aren’t doing it just for love… and their definition of “love” is not love at all. On a spiritual level Stoneway has created the most insidious reward-based-christianity, where you always feel like you need to out-perform yourself and others around you; and be as selfless as you possibly can…for The Lord of course!

If one week you are a bit busier or you aren’t on-fire like the week before, you are bound to feel terrible; if a friend is having a tough time, you are all over them to make sure, Lord forbid, they aren’t spiritually down. I prayed for brand new moms on maternity, just weeks after giving birth, for how guilty they felt about not having time for other women, for praying for others, to read the Bible like they ought to, to volunteer to cook or bake for that week’s event. This is not healthy!

The constant confessing to others during prayer or dinners or coffees or Small Group meant everyone knew where you were faith-wise, and when they didn’t know they plainly asked you: “what is Jesus doing in your life right now?”. You'd better have some mind-blowing revelation ready, or you'd leave that conversation with a dinner invite so they could make sure you received prayer and didn't "spiral and wallow" in your lukewarmness.

Being in each other's business like that became suffocating, intrusive and also incredibly performative. You already had 100 things in your calendar, then you'd hear that someone was knitting blankets for all the new babies in the church and you suddenly realized you never even thought to make presents for the babies, so you'd better start baking at least a cake each and jump on that Meal Train twice, otherwise were you even helping? I don't think I ever baked more in my life before or since I was at Stoneway.

On one hand you thought (or deceived yourself to believe) you were just trying to be helpful, but on the other you were forcing yourself to pray for others, meet with people, read the Bible daily, feel the Holy Spirit always, pray to be granted spiritual gifts to be useful to the church. And by the end of it you did it even when you didn't want to, or didn't feel like it, because that's what they said a "Christian" was, so you ended up wearing a mask and pushing yourself to look like that, for the reward of feeling good, and not to please The Lord.

Now that we are not their concern anymore, it’s a whole different story. Have we stopped being deserving of understanding and mercy?

They unconsciously subscribe to a performance of respectability and good Christian morals, but when push comes to shove, the “love” is nowhere to be found. We were forgiven in an instant back then, even when we brought conflict to the appearance of peace they enforced, because they had to continue seeing us. Now that we are not their concern anymore, it’s a whole different story. Have we stopped being deserving of understanding and mercy? Are we not going to see each other in Heaven anymore?

Galatians 4:16 “Have I then become your enemy by telling you the truth?”

I know this might seem like a complete exaggeration: “you are just nitpicking at everything and assuming the worst”. I know it may seem that way, because it’s super subtle, hard to spot, and hard to prove. At face value none of these things are “bad”, but the twist is in the heart posture, and that can only be felt.

This is so hard to pinpoint that even when we were in it, we thought we were all doing the right things. Only afterwards did we realise that most of the interactions we had over those 2 years were forced by the nature of the system. Not only that but, by the end, our faith had become something for us to gloat and feel proud about, to get attention from in order to make us feel special and important.

They had turned us into the perfect Network soldiers.

“Family” No More

Once the veil was torn and we realised we were part of this system, we knew we had to go.

It was incredibly painful because we considered all the congregation our closest friends, and some were family to us, so the idea of leaving was terrifying. I was afraid of what people would think. We knew we would have to give explanations to dozens of people, because everyone would be shocked to learn of our departure. It all felt like a huge task.

We met with our Small Group Leader and explained calmly and respectfully that after a year of wrestling with it, we finally came to the conclusion we didn't believe in tithing, and so we couldn't be Members of Stoneway anymore. Tithing was a cornerstone of how Stoneway operated, and the Leaders had consistently insisted it was a “commandment” when we asked questions. We explained that continuing to push this false teaching represented a breach of trust. So we couldn't host the Small Group anymore, and from the new year we would look for a different church.

We talked for a couple of hours, in which the Small Group Leader confirmed once again that Stoneway’s position on the matter is that tithing was a commandment. We reassured him we had nothing against the people, but if the church funds itself with people’s tithes, and pushes them to tithe with a false teaching, we couldn’t be a part of it.

Tithing was a cornerstone of how Stoneway operated, and the Leaders had consistently insisted it was a “commandment” when we asked questions.

We hugged each other and left amicably. Because we were about to leave on holiday, we wrote a letter to the other Leaders explaining the same thing, as we wanted them to hear it from us directly and didn't want to burden our Small Group Leader with conveying our reasons. We thanked them for everything and we said it was just time for us to go for all the reasons above.

We felt that the people of our Small Group also deserved a chance to hear it from us in person, as we had left on Sunday saying “see you in the new year” and this wouldn’t be the case anymore. We attended the Small Group party that week, and told everyone at the end we were not coming back and that they could reach out if they had questions. We explained we were sad to leave them but it was time for us to move on. And then we went on holiday.

We then messaged personally every couple we were close to, to say we loved them nonetheless and that our friendship went beyond us leaving. But what followed confirmed that we were part of something completely different from what we expected.

The Lead Pastor responded to our email shocked. He wanted to meet and discuss in person as he was sure this was all a misunderstanding, but after some back and forth, we felt he was disingenuous and we didn’t see the point in meeting him. It would have been fake of us to pretend we agreed it was just a misunderstanding.

We had also scheduled dinner with our Small Group Leader, and told him it would be as friends, not as members of the church. We said we did not want to discuss the matter again. We ended up mutually agreeing to cancel because the Small Group Leader said he would bring it up again and try to convince us to stay. We found out that this cancellation was spun as an accusation against us—that we had refused to meet with our Small Group Leader without explanation—which was untrue since he had agreed he couldn't respect our boundaries on the subject.

Everyone who called us "family" stopped acting as family almost immediately. Now that they had nothing to gain from continuing a relationship with us and precious time was needed on more “deserving” recruits, we were tossed aside

We exchanged some messages with our closest friends during Christmas, but the mood was completely different and it was pretty obvious that everyone who called us “family” stopped acting as family almost immediately. Now that they had nothing to gain from continuing a relationship with us and their precious time was needed on more “deserving” recruits, we were tossed aside.

I can understand the behavior somewhat. The people we were closest to had moved abroad to start this church, and we had just told them we thought their church was spreading false teachings. It was never going to be easy to continue relationships when the one thing we had in common was Stoneway. We had assumed the thing we had in common was Jesus, but unfortunately many people at the church only understand Jesus when it's filtered through The Network. 95% of everyone who had our number never used it again—not to say goodbye, check on us, or meet up.

We also fear the way our exit was explained by Stoneway's Leadership didn't paint us in the greatest light, so it's possible people are keeping their distance because the story of how things went down was conveyed to make us look heartless. The suspicion comes from the fact that we were told they mentioned some of the events and portrayed themselves as victims of our uncooperation and unavailability to let them explain (such as the reason why we canceled dinner with our former small group leader). As we clarified above with the actual account of events, this is simply not true.

Luke 12:2 “Nothing is covered up that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known”

We met with a few people in the new year of 2025 who wanted to know why we left, and we explained we didn’t want to cause trouble or drama, and if they really wanted to know we could talk about it. Unfortunately, the meetings didn’t bring us closer, the reasons will be apparent in the few examples below:

I met with a dear friend from a different Small Group, and I described our experience in detail. She was absolutely shocked, as if our experiences were from to two different churches. This shows how attendees get different "sides" of The Network, depending on where they sit in the food chain and how deep they are in relationship with the Leadership.
I bumped into an acquaintance from Stoneway who asked me why we left and I said "tithing", and to my surprise she didn't know what the word meant. I am not saying this to imply she did something wrong, but to highlight that not everyone wants to investigate what The Network teaches. They are somewhere dangerous unknowingly and so our cautionary tale will sound completely unfounded to them.
We’ve heard that since we left they are being very careful on the topic of tithing, and they have changed the tune to: "tithing isn’t mandatory". Since they slyly hid their deception, we look even less believable. If people were to look into our claims they would not find them as easily as we did.
We met with a few friends who asked our reason for leaving and they replied that in some cultures tithing is absolutely normal and everyone does it. If you grow up seeing your parents doing it and everyone around you does it, it’s very difficult to break that pattern, even if it’s backed up by sound theology.
Another friend met us to understand our motivations. They told us plainly that they were not going to investigate the matter further and that they actually appreciate how Stoneway runs like a business. It’s clear that some are simply not ready to hear the truth about their church no matter what reasons you present. In my humble opinion, words like “network”, “leadership”, “business”, have no place in Jesus’s Church and should already raise some red flags.
The sentence we heard the most was: “You will not find the perfect church out there”, as if to imply we left because Stoneway wasn’t perfect and we threw a huge fuss over minute details and we were going to come to a rude awakening once we realised “every church is flawed”. We never held such beliefs. We left for major reasons that nobody seemed to consider objectively and wholeheartedly.
Another recurring comment was: “Then just don’t tithe and come back!” which demonstrates that our testimony went completely over their heads. If something at the base of The Network is a lie and a corruption of what the Bible says, then the whole house of cards collapses on itself. Leaders at Stoneway confirmed multiple times with us that they believed tithing was a “commandment” to be considered for Christians and Members of their congregation. This has been exposed as a false teaching by many Christian denominations, but Stoneway’s members have put their blind trust in their Leaders. My hope is that they could accept that they have been deceived and have in turn deceived others, swallow their bruised egos, and break free.
We also have bumped into many members of the congregation over the months around Reading. Some seemed happy to see us and stopped for a little chat, some awkwardly dodged us, or politely said hi and walked away. We were surprised by some of the ones who pretended not to see us at all.

Through all these disappointing encounters and the silence and ostracism we faced, we came to realize that the warm, loving community we thought we belonged to and the cold, rejecting community treating us this way were two completely different things.

We were painted as not wanting to improve our relationship with money and not allowing Leadership to help us get closer to Jesus.

What hurts the most is that if they had truly gotten to know us over the last two years, then they surely would have given more consideration to what we have tried to say and the warnings we have given to everyone we talked to over the months since we left Stoneway. Rather than hear our points, it is easier to dismiss and accuse us of being people with a greed problem; to paint us as not wanting to improve our relationship with money and not allowing the Leadership to help us get closer to Jesus. I know this because this is exactly what I would have thought.

Add this to the fact that it's probably common knowledge within Stoneway that we have since converted to Catholicism, and I’m sure in their eyes we look like we have lost our minds, that we’ve walked away from their faith. Their theology would lead them to believe we were never truly “Christian” and now we are under the influence of “the enemy” who’s planted seeds of discord and lies in our hearts.

To overcome this hurt with our sanity intact, we had to trace back and piece together everything that had happened. Slowly we had to accept we were part of something quite different from what we originally thought. All the events and the reactions we were receiving made us realise there was a deeper beast hiding in plain sight and we had to unpack it all if we were to truly make sense of it.

We realised Stoneway was puppeteering the behaviours of everyone we loved in the name of Jesus and had essentially brainwashed them.

The more we thought about it, the more we brought back memories and experiences, the more our hearts grew heavier. We realised Stoneway was puppeteering the behaviours of everyone we loved in the name of Jesus and had essentially brainwashed them. This might sound harsh, but it didn’t make sense that anyone would act this incoherently unless they were coerced by a system.

This realization was unavoidable once we left and the masks slipped off. And the hardest thing to digest is that they will be offended by this claim because they don’t realise they are being manipulated and that they are perpetuating manipulative behaviour. Unfortunately they are completely oblivious and out of touch with reality, reinforced by everyone around them who acts the same way and praises and rewards this behaviour. They are caged inside The Network’s echo chamber.

Those on the inside think that everyone who is against Stoneway is against Jesus and doesn’t understand how lost they are. “If only they would allow us to give them the real experience of Christianity, they would see the truth”. How do I know this? Because that’s precisely what I thought for two years at Stoneway. I pitied every non-believer and every other Christian, including my Catholic family members, who didn’t have it as good and as “real” as I thought I did.

I thank The Lord every day He opened my eyes before I went in any deeper.

Life Since Leaving Stoneway

How has our life been since Stoneway? Unexpectedly painful and solitary, but thanks to our Lord, we are now in His House, and it feels like we are convalescing. Isn’t that exactly what His House is for: a hospital for broken souls?

By the powerful love of Christ we are healing, recovering, moving on, unlearning a lot of toxic behaviours and unhealthy expectations. The moment I walked into our lovely new Church I had a long list of demands and requirements, and, to my disappointment, I didn’t find any of the things I wanted and I was ready to dismantle it all to teach our Priest what they were missing. Instead, over the weeks The Lord spoke to me and revealed to me that I had the privilege to be a guest at His table, if I chose to participate, and a witness to His presence.

Now my heart is in the right posture: I know it is His Church, not mine; and I stopped demanding my way and I started humbling myself before My Lord’s ways. Unfolding in front of my eyes is the infinite wisdom and beauty of traditions that have been upheld for centuries to form the Holy Mass. I tear up everytime we get to Communion.

How has our life been since Stoneway? Unexpectedly painful and solitary, but thanks to our Lord, we are now in His House, and it feels like we are convalescing.

We are also making friends the genuine and slow way, without thrusting ourselves onto others, unburdening ourselves all at once and dissecting their private and intimate journey with The Lord (emphasis on private and intimate). I have just started opening up about our story and being vulnerable with a few friends.

The greatest revelation He has shown us is that having a relationship with Him is a lot more effort from our part than crying while listening to worship music or frantically searching for confirmation of the Holy Spirit and beating ourselves up when we “don’t feel Him”; it’s a slow and solitary daily walk with Him, knowing He is always there, no strings attached. It’s not constantly feeling high, purpurseful and plugged into His plan (or else), it’s significantly more rewarding than that!

My prayer for everyone reading this is that our story will highlight patterns of behavior, insidious conduct that is taking over people's lives, questionable Gospel that is leading people astray, and manipulative toxicity that is hindering relationships with The Lord and others. In no way am I condemning or judging the individuals who participate unknowingly, nor am I encouraging anyone to spread hate in their direction. My hope is that the congregation of Stoneway (our friends!) who take the time to read this carefully will recognize this modus operandi, open their eyes to the corrupt system they are part of, and find the strength to break free.

I hope some will even come to appreciate our honesty by The Lord’s Grace. That they will hear what I mean in my heart and not what the enemy wants them to understand, and they will see that I have tried to convey the truth impartially, even admitting to our own faults and sin during the whole ordeal. I truly pray that somehow, Lord willing, our friendships can move forward on a deeper and more transparent basis, because I don’t want to hide anymore the concern I have for this church and The Network and the fact there is a better way to walk with The Lord. If you really know me, if you know my heart, you would know how much this is costing me and how many months I spent in fear before sharing this truth.

I thank The Lord for the strength He gives us daily to walk in the light, and I pray that our story will only do the good it was intended for.

Ephesians 4:25: "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body."