SILENT SERVITUDE:

MY EXPERIENCE AS THE WIFE OF A NETWORK PASTOR

Author: Cheri M. | Wife of Church Planter/Lead Pastor
Network Churches attended:
- Vine Church (Vineyard Church), Carbondale, IL | 2001-2002
- ClearView (Foundation) Church, Bloomington-Normal, IL | 2002-2013
- City Lights Church, St. Louis, MO | 2013-2022 (City Lights exited The Network in 2018)
This story was published August, 2024

My name is Cheri M, and I was in The Network from 2001-2018. My husband and I planted ClearView Church in Normal (2002-2013), now called Foundation. He also led City Lights Church in Saint Louis (2013-2022). Recently we planted Godspeed Church in Normal (2022-present).

HOW I FOUND THE NETWORK

I was blessed that my parents raised me to be an independent free-thinker. They raised me to believe I was smart and strong and important to the world. It never occurred to me to doubt them. Nothing and no one had ever challenged that belief. I only ever had it reinforced.

Enlisting in the U.S. Air Force was no different. I was welcomed as a soldier, equal among all. I trained on the M16, just like everyone. I endured entering the gas chamber, like everyone. I completed basic training alongside the men. I had the added duty of going through war readiness field training in a heavily male-dominated environment. My male counterparts depended on me. Not once was I ever made to feel less than any male. In fact, I won awards for outstanding work.

I met my husband in this environment. We were both soldiers. We shared the same military training. We worked in the same culture. We received the same pay. We received the same treatment. We were equally respected, and Jeff and I equally respected each other.

My parents raised me to believe I was smart and strong and important to the world. It never occurred to me to doubt them.

When our enlistments were up, we both enrolled in undergraduate studies at Western Illinois University in Macomb. We entered separate disciplines. We both did extremely well in our departments. We both won scholarships and awards for our work and graduated with honors.

This repeated when we both entered into our graduate programs at Southern Illinois University in Carbondale. I was a linguistics major, and Jeff studied music. We both secured teaching assistantships. We both worked hard and were recognized for our contributions.

We lived this way for six years. We knew no other way to live. We did not have a perfect marriage, but we had a marriage of equality and respect. We knew no other way to live.

In April 2001 our lives as we knew them would change.

I got saved on the bathroom floor in the ICU of Barnes Hospital in St. Louis. My dad was dying. It’s an amazing story that I’d love to share some other time.

Jeff was also being saved, but that is his story to share at some point.

Jeff quickly ended up on Steve Morgan’s radar. I wasn’t invited.

We both got baptized on our sixth wedding anniversary, September 2, 2001. Life was so good. We were married and loving our lives under the gracious tutelage of Jesus Christ. Jeff and I were equally devoted to learning and living lives as disciples of Jesus.

But Jeff quickly ended up on Steve Morgan’s radar. Looking back it’s funny to think how much I took for granted that Steve invited Jeff to a meal. I wasn’t invited. I don’t even think I knew Jeff had gone out. I paid Steve so little mind.

PLANTING A CHURCH TOGETHER

Fast forward about a year. God gave me a vision, like a mental movie short in my mind's eye, of Jeff planting a church. Visions were new to me at the time, and we already knew our next steps in life, so we dismissed the idea, but kept it in the back of our minds. Not long after, Steve brought to Jeff’s attention that he might be a church planter. Jeff and I went back and forth with the idea. We ultimately decided it was a blessing and an honor to be called to plant one of God’s churches. We jumped in whole-heartedly to the endeavor. Together.

LIFE AS A LEAD PASTOR'S WIFE IN STEVE MORGAN’S “NO-NAME NETWORK”

Life was great, but we were starting to feel some bumps in the road. There was nothing I could specifically put my finger on at this point, but I was starting to not like the business of planting a church. It felt like Jeff and I were being watched like a hawk and constantly scrutinized. Steve (and later, Sándor) was often calling Jeff and advising on how to run the church. I was confused about why he was instructing Jeff on the church Jeff had been called to plant. I chalked it up to naiveté. Jeff was inexperienced after all. And this older and wiser man surely knew what was the right way to plant.

It felt like Jeff and I were being watched like a hawk and constantly scrutinized.

Jeff and I loved our church plant and the people in it. And we were so happy when Steve Morgan took a long hiatus from leading Jeff’s church. (Steve had moved to plant Blue Sky and had lost interest in Jeff for a while. This happened again a few years later when Steve was having a life crisis, which we now know to be the time he was confessing his criminal history to a number of leaders that chose to do nothing about it.) Life was good again. Jeff and I could breathe. We got a break from the constant micro-managing. Our church thrived. We thrived.

Choosing to follow Steve out of the Vineyard and into his “no name network of churches” was signing a non-verbal contract to follow Steve. He was our leader.

But then we got news that Steve was back. He wanted to leave the Vineyard Network that we were all a part of, but he didn’t want to go alone. He wanted us few plants to go with him. We all agreed. This seared in all our minds that choosing to follow Steve out of the Vineyard and into his “no name network of churches” was signing a non-verbal contract to follow Steve. He was our leader. We knew it. And Steve knew it.

GROW OUR CHURCHES; OBEY IN SILENT SERVITUDE

Shortly after, Steve started organizing pastors and wives retreats. These luxurious getaways afforded us all a much-needed respite. But there were always strings attached. These retreats were filled with indoctrination, oh, and worship. We’re Christians after all. And prayer. You know, the kind of prayer that is actually like, “God, please fix this in so and so. Grow our churches. For Your glory, of course. Not ours.”

But what do I mean about indoctrination? Surely I’m hyperbolizing. Why use such a provocative word?

At one of these early retreats after starting his own network of churches, Steve Morgan gave all of us lead pastor wives Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards. I have no idea what the book entailed. I never read it. I immediately got rid of it. I chuckled when I saw it. I honestly thought it was a gag gift. We often got gifts at these retreats, so I thought someone was of especially silly humor for this one.

It was not in fact a gag gift. Steve Morgan is never one to joke. All is quite serious with him. And this was him priming us for this retreat’s indoctrination sessions. Our network was young and fragile. We lead pastors and wives were so young and in need of direction if churches were going to get planted. For God’s glory, of course.

The problem that vexed me was that Steve was priming the men for difficult lives of servitude to him. And he was priming the wives to a similar life of servitude without complaining.

Men, it was time to step up. Women, it was time for you to lay down your lives for the cause of this mission. And, did I say, women, it’s time to lay down your lives? Be a good little Sarah Edwards and do whatever is needed for your husband to succeed. Take all burdens off him. He works hard out on the mission field. You need to provide a comfortable home he can retreat to. Satan just rips him apart every day. Make sure you don't make life harder for him. You are his helpmeet after all. You want to do what God called you to, don’t you? And, oh, by the way, we are officially complementarian. Does everyone agree? Good. Men, be men. Women, submit to your leaders. Your husband, via me, Steve, will always know what is good for you. And, naturally, you will feel like loved and protected little girls. Basically, the theme of that retreat was, “Ladies, suck it up. If you disagree, you are disobedient to God.” Ouch.

Now, none of those behaviors are bad, if one chooses to live that way. The problem that vexed me was that Steve was priming the men for difficult lives of servitude to him. And he was priming the wives to a similar life of servitude without complaining.

For example, Jeff relayed a story to me from a different pastor retreat. One pastor left a day early to attend to his wife, who had just recently had a baby. Once he left, Steve chastised the men to toughen up their wives.

I wasn't a newbie. I already knew I had to be tough. One time Jeff had to leave our family to attend yet another one of Steve's pastor retreats. We had 5 little ones. Most of them had the flu, and I was catching it. It was an unspoken law that men were never to leave these retreats with the exception of death, so it didn't occur to either one of us that Jeff should stay and help me.

I felt so disgraced when he had to come home early from the pastor retreat because our 10-year-old found me passed out and injured. I was so sick that when I texted to tell Jeff, it was just all crazy gibberish. I don't even remember texting. Somehow he got the message that things were bad, and he came home. I felt deep shame knowing I might have caused him to get in trouble for leaving early and having a weak wife.

At first, I worked harder than anyone to try to get on board with Steve’s ideologies. It was agony for both Jeff and me.

The pastors and wives retreat I attended, the one where Steve gave me the Sarah Edwards book, was the beginning of the end for me. I had already had my doubts about Steve Morgan before this, but this sealed the deal. He was a monster in the making. I felt so very alone at that retreat. Everyone bought into his methods and ideas and seemed to enjoy the lashings. I felt like I was in The Twilight Zone. Why does everyone think this is ok? Why don’t I think it’s ok? Oh no! I’m the problem!

Thus began my slow descent. At first, I worked harder than anyone to try to get on board with Steve’s ideologies. Jeff and I even made a verbal pact that we were going to do whatever it took to make sure we correctly performed our separate roles as husband and wife. Jeff wouldn't cook or clean. I’d totally take care of the house and family, and he’d plant a church. I wouldn’t give him trouble. That must be how God wanted it.

If you read my opening paragraph, you can guess that this was completely unnatural to me. It was agony for both Jeff and me. But we kept working and working at it, because God (Steve) would be disappointed if we failed. Besides, unsaved souls were at stake if we didn’t perform in our God-given roles. That was a burden I just couldn’t bear. I loved Jesus too much to be a stumbling block to anyone that He might want to save. Whew. Now I could sleep at night.

WHY I LEFT THE NETWORK

By God’s grace, Jeff and I were always outcasts. I have no idea why. I think Steve could sense the independent streak in us that, try as we might, we just couldn’t kill. I heard Jeff called “a wild card” a number of times. He was unpredictable to Steve, and Steve hated it. We were called rebels a number of times. One reason was that we were homeschool hold-outs. Steve had convinced every other pastor and wife to put their kids in public school, but those pesky Millers just wouldn’t obey. We had the nerve to do what we thought was right for our family.

That disobedience did not go unpunished. We were often publicly held up as anonymous examples of leaders that don’t follow rules. Steve would describe our family so accurately that everyone at conferences knew to whom Steve was referring. Jeff was even told specifically that he would no longer be in any position of influence, e.g. Jeff could no longer speak at any conference or hold a leadership position in the network (thank God).

I think Steve could sense the independent streak in us that, try as we might, we just couldn’t kill.

I got so sick of Steve’s cowardice that I asked him for a meeting at one of our leadership retreats. I made him admit he had a problem with us, and I asked him what the big deal was. To my face, he assured me there was no problem. We should do what we want with our kids. But then Jeff got a talking to from Steve later that day. Jeff was told to get me in line. I laughed and probably cussed. Thank you, Steve, for confirmation.

I decided right then at that retreat that I was done. I could no longer endure the lying and manipulation. I had no idea what God wanted me to do, but I knew that I no longer wanted anything to do with Steve and Sándor’s no-name-network.

I had no idea what God wanted me to do, but I knew that I no longer wanted anything to do with Steve and Sándor’s no-name-network.

I didn't go back to any more retreats. I didn’t go to conferences. I went to my church that I loved, and that was it.

I had been telling Jeff for years that there was something off about Steve and his ideologies, but Jeff never wanted to believe me. We met Steve and Jesus around the same time, so it was hard to tease out which idea was coming from whom. But Jeff finally got around to seeing what I previously saw over a decade ago. Steve was evil, and Steve is not Jesus.

LIFE SINCE LEAVING

Skipping past lots of painful details, on May 8, 2018 we left The Network. It took me a full 18 months to deconstruct my faith and reconstruct who Jesus is without Steve Morgan. I still love Jesus with all my heart, but I am a completely different Christian than I was in The Network.

It wasn’t easy, but I have found my way back to believing I am a smart and strong and important person to the world.

It wasn’t easy, but I have found my way back to believing I am a smart and strong and important person to the world. I love Jesus. I read the Bible for myself. I don’t listen to other people to tell me what to think. I love my church, Godspeed. I love the pastor. I really love the pastor. He is a wonderful man to be married to. You are lucky if you can call him friend. I love my family. My children are amazing individuals. I work very hard to make up for how I parented in The Network. They are all on their own paths, but I pray I can be an example of how to live a life of freedom and joy in Jesus.

Jeff and I have a redeemed marriage of equality. We both highly value each other and our strengths. We take delight in offering our strengths to the other’s weaknesses. We both fully function in our separate womanhood and manhood but also together in our equal dignity as co-heirs of Chrst. Life is so wonderful and free. Thank God.