A PARENT'S PERSPECTIVE:

WHAT I LEARNED WHEN MY DAUGHTER JOINED A NETWORK CHURCH PLANT DURING HER UNIVERSITY YEARS

Author: Trish W. | Church Member and parent
Attended: Vine Church in Carbondale, Illinois | 2000-2022
This story was published September, 2024

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TRANSCRIPT

TWENTY-TWO YEARS IN THE NETWORK

Hi there. My name is Trish W. I was a member, and then my husband was a leader in a Network church for 22 years, Vine Church in Carbondale, Illinois. My husband was an overseer on the board of elders there for, I think, 5 or 6 years. The goal of this message is really to give a perspective for us, as parents of a college student who attended a Network church plant and went to a university in a Network church town.

But I also wanted to provide some background on us and why we left the network after 22 years, after having been so involved in it.

First of all, we had an understanding of what the root of the network was because we had been there since Steve Morgan was the lead pastor at Vine Church in Carbondale, Illinois, in 2000. He was our lead pastor until he left to plant Blue Sky Church in Seattle, in, I believe, 2004.

So we knew Steve. We attended all — almost all, I think maybe there were 2 or 3 Network conferences between the years of 2005 and 2018-ish. That we did not attend — but we attended most of them. So we had an understanding of exactly how connected the Network is and how heavily influenced it is by Steve Morgan.

Everything that Network churches do and why they do it, the structure of small groups, the focus on college students, is all because of Steve's influence. And we knew that because we were there; we were there for it.

Most of the lead pastors of the Network churches today, we knew and saw when they were college students, or when Steve brought them to the Network Church Summer Conference. Everything that Network churches do and why they do it, the structure of small groups, the focus on college students, is all because of Steve's influence. And we knew that because we were there; we were there for it.

So that began to concern us.

A reason why we left was we had been deceived by pastors at our church about the circumstances under which other pastors and staff had left the network. We had asked very direct questions and had been given information that, now that we've talked to those people, on the testimony of 2 or 3 or more witnesses, that information that we were given by our pastor was not true.

Because of our own over-involvement in people's lives, we realized that we were contributing to an organization that, rather than glorifying God, was hurting his sheep. And that was not okay.

And so, obviously, that was a problem for us, and we just began to feel conviction about our role as leaders in this high control group. Because of our own over-involvement in people's lives, we realized that we were contributing to an organization that, rather than glorifying God, was hurting his sheep. And that was not okay.

We left in January of 2022 before we knew about Steve Morgan's criminal background. We left because of those concerns that I just delineated.

OUR DAUGHTERS WERE IMPACTED BY NETWORK INVOLVEMENT

So that's kind of our background that I wanted to share, but I wanted to focus on our perspective and our experience as parents. We do have two daughters; both of their stories are already out there that you could read.

Our older daughter is Rose S, and her story about growing up in the network and the impact that had on her, is published on leavingthenetwork.org. And then our younger daughter, her story is published in an article in the Texas A&M student newspaper, the Battalion, about Christland Church in College Station, Texas.

I mainly wanted to speak to any parents who watch this about just where I think things went wrong for us and for our family.

You can read those and then kind of get a feel for the impact that this organization has had on our family, but I mainly wanted to speak to any parents who watch this about just where I think things went wrong for us and for our family.

OUR DAUGHTER JOINED THE CHRISTLAND CHURH PLANT AT TEXAS A&M

The first thing was that, particularly our younger daughter, when she went away to school she was 11 hours away from us when she went to Texas A&M. We really yielded over to the Network church, our role as her parents, about many things. We expected, and in fact encouraged, her to seek guidance and wisdom from people in the church there in College Station. And I want to say that there are many, many people in that church, laypeople, particularly couples, who really loved her — I think tried to love her — and had good intentions, and felt that they were ministering to her and doing God’s work.

But, as so many people say about the Network, “it's good... until it isn't.” And for our daughter, it started to not be good her second or third — her sophomore and junior years at Texas A&M.

She was in an extremely demanding program. She was in ROTC, which meant that she had to be in the Corps of Cadets at A&M as part of the ROTC program (which is an extremely demanding student organization). It’s the largest student organization on campus. Very, very demanding program: she had a military training requirement, she had Corps of Cadets requirements, she had her academics, of course.

And she was just increasingly feeling very divided, like that she couldn't do everything that she needed to do at the church and all of the requirements of her program. And she would talk to us about that, and we would try to give her some advice. But she was getting advice, such as it is, from people at the church.

In Network churches there's a significant amount of enmeshment and people telling other people what to do with their lives that has nothing to do with what’s in the Bible or is extra biblical advice.

Some of the time, leaders at the church she was talking to were only a few years older than she was and had not ever been in her situation. And she just needed help navigating these situations. These churches, there's just all this, there's a significant amount of enmeshment and people telling other people what to do with their lives that has nothing to do with what’s in the Bible or is way extra biblical advice.

The lead pastor of the church, in College Station, he absolutely knew what he was doing. He knew a lot more about the circumstances, that our daughter was dealing with and had the power to help her and protect her. And we didn't know it at the time, but he failed to do so.

And another example is our daughter, she at one point, she had befriended another cadet who was a Christian, but he attended the Methodist church there at college station instead of Christland church. And he wanted to take her out. So she decided she was going to date him, and she experienced a person — I won't give their name because it was a lay person. A person at the Network church told her that they disapproved of her doing that, that they did not believe that this young man really loves Jesus because he attended the Methodist church. And how could he be committed if he was attending a mainline denominational church?

And, you know, again, that was — who you date is, that was none of that person's business.

One thing that I will say is that things started to turn a corner for our daughter late in her junior year. I think beginning of senior year, she was invited to a campus ministry small group run by Cru [Campus Crusade for Christ International].

My daughter was struggling, feeling divided, between school and her Network church. She was feeling increasingly socially isolated, and then someone invited her to a non-Network campus ministry. That was her first step toward being able to eventually leave the Network church.

And, at that time, she was... she had been through quite a few challenges. She was struggling, feeling divided, between school and her Network church. She was feeling increasingly socially isolated, and then this person invited her to a Cru group. And she began going and became involved in Cru. And that was her first step toward being able to eventually, in 2022, leave the Network church.

She, in Cru, made friends with other Christian students in town. who were going to other churches. Nobody else in Cru was was going to the Network church. And she began to see “Hey, I can follow Jesus in a lot of different churches. There's all these other people who love the Lord as much as I do, and they’re not going to a Network church. And so, Cru really helped.

RECOMMENDATIONS FOR PARENTS OF COLLEGE STUDENTS

That was one of the things that I wanted to say during this message. I wanted to give some recommendations for parents. And one of the recommendations is: if you have a college student that is either checking out a Network church, or is involved in a Network church — or any kind of church, it doesn't matter if it's a Network church or not —I would highly recommend getting involved in a campus ministry group first, before you start visiting churches. Cru, InterVarsity, Reformed University Fellowship; those are three solid ones that I can think of. They've been around for years, their leaders are trained, their leaders have oversight, and the organizations are supported by denominational churches or independent churches that have been around for a long time and support these campus ministries.

Have a diversity of input into your decision about where you should go to church. If you go to a Network church first, or any other kind of high control group first, that group is going to monopolize the information that your student receives.

And so there's some stability and doctrinal soundness and foundation there in those campus ministries. I recommend your student get involved with the campus ministry first, meet other students who are sophomores, juniors, seniors, who are Christians. Find out where they're going to church. Go visit church with them.

And that way you have a diversity of input into your decision about where you should go to church and what churches you should try. If you go to a Network church first, or any other kind of high control group first, that group is going to monopolize the information that your student receives.

My second recommendation is: keep lines of communication open with your student. Visit with them as often as you can. FaceTime, calls, visit physically if possible, travel and see your student.

Keep lines of communication open with your student. Visit with them as often as you can.

Attend church with your student, attend a small group with your student, a picnic, whatever. Keep the lines of communication open, even if your student seems to be spiraling down a hole that's not good for them. Keep communicating, because someday they will get to a point where they want out and they want help. And you definitely want them to feel like they can turn to you during that time.

Ask questions and encourage your student to ask questions. And don't be afraid of ideas. Ideas cannot hurt you. Ask questions. Read books. Check in with other students, other leaders, other pastors. And gather information. Information is not your enemy. God is big enough to handle lots of information. Last recommendation is pray. Pray for your student.

Information is not your enemy. God is big enough to handle lots of information.

Pray that God would guide them, that he would put, wise people in their lives who care about them, who don't have an agenda outside of that student’s or that human’s Membership in God's family. [Your student] is made in the image of God, [pray they would find] someone who's going to respect that in your student.

Pray for them that they find those people. Pray that they would get connected in a healthy local church. Stay on your knees for your student. Stay in touch with them, love them through it. And just provide wisdom when you can.

Soli Deo gloria.