A PARENT’S HEARTBREAK:

OUR SON SEVERED ALL TIES WITH US UNDER THE INFLUENCE OF NETWORK PASTORS

Author: Lori H. | Church Member and parent of Small Group Leader
Attended: Foundation Church (ClearView Church), Bloomington-Normal, IL | 2010-2015
This story was published July, 2024

I have waited almost 10 years for the Lord to release me to write my story about leaving The Network. And even as I write it now, I want the reader to understand that aspects of the pain related to this network are still just as fresh today, 10 years later.

My hesitation in sharing my own story has always been due to fear of bringing harm to close family relationships, because two of our family members are still within the Network. However, my greatest fear happened over a year ago when our son cut all communication with us off. At this point, I have nothing else to lose in sharing my story, because in losing my son and daughter-in-law’s relationship, it has been like a death to me.

The fact that a church’s influence can bring about such a depth of division within a family and the leadership be ok with it, and in fact model it as leaders, is terrifying and heart shattering to me, as I am sure it is to Jesus.

While I know we have not been perfect parents by any means, I also know for certain that we have not been abusive or neglectful in any way that would biblically warrant this kind of severing of relationships within what we felt was a very close family relationship prior to a year ago. I know there are things that we need to work through together, just like every family does if they are honest.

However, the fact that a church’s influence can bring about such a depth of division within a family and the leadership be ok with it, and in fact model it as leaders, is terrifying and heart shattering to me, as I am sure it is to Jesus. Now my only hope is that the truth will be fully known, more and more eyes be opened, and that the stronghold of deception will be broken so others do not have to experience the same pain.

I have come to discover in talking with others who have left the Network, this type of family division is not unique to my family; in fact it is quite prevalent.

I have come to discover in talking with others who have left the Network, this type of family division is not unique to my family; in fact it is quite prevalent. I have spent hours on the phone in recent weeks talking with other parents who have also been cut off from their family members who attend Network churches. So, I share this now in hopes of you knowing you are not alone.

OUR TIME IN THE NETWORK

My husband and I attended what was then called ClearView Church from 2010 to 2015. Both of our children attended youth group there and both were married while attending the Network.

When I say we were all in, I mean we were all in.

We led small groups, hosted youth events at our house, were part of “prayer ministry,” attended summer and local conferences, and discipleship communities etc....we were ALL IN.

There was absolutely a cultural standard taught within The Network that to question anything about leadership was a no-no and viewed as being divisive and would not be tolerated.

Both of our children grew tremendously in their walk with the Lord while we were there, so we felt like that was where we needed to be. And yet, there was always a feeling of not really being accepted as leaders. While I could never really put my finger on the why of feeling that way, it was always an underlying motivation to try to “prove” we were loyal to the leadership and mission of the church. There was absolutely a cultural standard taught that to question anything about leadership was a no-no and viewed as being divisive and would not be tolerated.

Looking back now I can see it was not us the leaders were interested in, but my son. And so we were tolerated as they poured time and attention into him.

LEAVING THE NETWORK

During our five years there, our lead pastor, Jeff M., was sent out to lead another network church, and we remained faithful at ClearView until God called us elsewhere. At the time we left in 2015, we met with Justin M., who by then was lead pastor, and we had his blessing to leave the Network. We were going through some pretty deep personal issues at the time and were told we really needed to seek counseling elsewhere, which we did.

Our son who was old enough to make his own decision for himself, decided to stay at ClearView. He and my daughter-in-law were married in summer of 2015 by Ben E. and they continued to be very involved with the church, serving on the worship team and leading small group. We respected his decision to do so and were thrilled that they found community there. Our daughter and her husband moved out of town to Lincoln, Illinois, to serve in another non-network church after they were married, and so it was an easy transition for them to leave.

GROWING CONCERNS OVER THE NETWORK'S CONTROLLING CULTURE

If I had to be honest, my issues with the Network had started long before we ever left.

The first big red flag to me was when I was personally called in to meet with leadership to be told I should no longer be meeting with any of the younger college aged girls who had reached out to meet with me periodically for coffee at a local coffee shop.

To question or challenge was not an option and considered divisive.

I was told by the leaders that they did not want these girls seeking out anyone other than their small group leaders for wisdom or discipleship, because it might lead to a “triangular relationship”, and they might seek out one person too much. It was stated by leadership that they preferred to have the young ladies’ relationships be more “organic” within their own small groups. Although this seemed to contradict what I read in Titus 2:3-5, I didn't challenge or defend what God had been orchestrating.

This was devastating to me at the time, but rather than challenge leadership, I just quietly stopped meeting with anyone. Because again, to question or challenge was not an option and considered divisive.

After we left the church, friends who we had been doing life with no longer would even speak to us, despite my reaching out multiple times to see if I had offended them.

The second red flag for me was when we left the church. Friends who we had been doing life with no longer would even speak to us, despite my reaching out multiple times to see if I had offended them. While that was strange to us, it wasn’t until I heard stories from others that the same had been true for them that I began to see a pattern.

MY SON REFUSED TO LISTEN TO WHY A LEAD PASTOR LEFT THE NETWORK

Fast forward to 2018, several years after we left ClearView…we were still living in the community of Bloomington-Normal when I heard the news that Jeff M. was leaving the Network. My first thought was, I need to hear from Jeff himself what has led him to this decision. So, I called him, and we spoke for over an hour as he shared his painful journey and how God had opened his eyes to see how oppressive the Network leadership had been and how God was leading he and his wife to be obedient to their own conscience and to the voice of GOD.

My son had continued at the church after we left, and by that point had become a Small Group Leader. I felt led to share in person with him what Jeff had shared with me, but the conversation was met with pretty significant resistance to even hear there could be a different side to what they were being told by Justin M. and the other leadership at ClearView (Foundation).

From that point on, my relationship with my son became increasingly strained, even though I did my best to not bring up my growing concerns

I knew then that there could be no further conversation with family about my concerns about the Network. And so there were no further discussions. From that point on, my relationship with my son became increasingly strained, even though I did my best to not bring up my growing concerns. We continued to do all the normal things we had always done together, but things seemed shallow.

All of this occurred before I ever had knowledge of all the character and integrity issues that are now common knowledge concerning the Network leadership, and with Steve Morgan specifically. It wasn’t until a couple of years ago that I began to really hear the stories of so many others who had had similar experiences, many of which are and were way worse than our own.

Had it only been a handful of people with stories, maybe we could write it off as coincidental. But dozens upon dozens of families have been impacted in similar ways that will likely take years and even professional help to heal.

Had it only been a handful of people with stories, maybe we could write it off as coincidental. But dozens upon dozens of families have been impacted in similar ways that will likely take years and even professional help to heal. In my opinion, only a strong delusion could keep one from at least being willing to hear what other people have been through and how it has impacted them.

OUR SON CUT OFF ALL COMMUNICATION WITH US

As more stories emerged from former members, our son, who still held a leadership role at Foundation, abruptly ceased all communication with us, despite our years of restraint. I had feared that moment would come since 2018 when he refused to discuss my concerns over the Network, but nothing could have prepared me for how devastating the moment was when it finally arrived.

On May 16th 2023 my husband and I received a text from our son stating he needed some time to deal with some things between us and that he would reach out to us when he was ready to talk about it. June came, and still no conversation, except a text to say he did not want to see us when we came to Illinois for a visit that had been planned for several months.

Holidays and birthdays, which used to always be celebrated together, even with miles between us, have now become days that come and go with no communication.

I could not understand why we could not even have a conversation. But we respected his wishes and did not reach out or pressure him to talk. September rolled around and my counselor suggested I reach out to see if he was ready to have a conversation yet. Again, it was met with a text stating that he was not ready to talk to either of us. November came and we received a text stating he and his wife were discussing what our relationship would look like going forward, and that he would reach out when he was ready to have that conversation.

It was at this point that it became clear to us that he did not want any further communication until he initiated it. And so we have once again respected his wishes, as painful as it has been.

Since that time, my sister has been diagnosed with cancer, his grandfather has passed, and other family members have had other health issues. I have no idea if he is aware of these things or not. Holidays and birthdays, which used to always be celebrated together, even with miles between us, have now become days that come and go with no communication. It has brought such heartache in our lives, not only for us as parents, but for our family as a whole.

I think any mother would relate to the anguish of not knowing if her son is ok, no matter what his age, especially as close as we had always been before.

This experience over the past year has truly caused a crisis of faith in my relationship with the Lord as I have sought to get clarity on what exactly is going on. When you have no insight from the person who has cut you off, your mind cannot help but to run wild with the fear of never again having your son and his family in your life. I think any mother would relate to the anguish of not knowing if her son is ok, no matter what his age, especially as close as we had always been before.

I remain hopeful that our story will find its way back to a place of understanding and mutual respect. Until then, I continue to love my son from afar, holding onto the possibility of reconciliation.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

What is most heart breaking for me is that I, myself, modeled what my family members are now deeply entangled in themselves—OBEDIENCE TO LEADERSHIP at all costs, even at the expense of your own family or your own conscience. And for that I am so, so sorry. I have gone through many years of counseling since then and am so thankful that God has allowed me to see how ensnared I was in many ways.

May God bring about a cleansing of this network through granting them the gift of repentance, humility, and transparency. And until that happens, may HE protect and heal the hearts of those so deeply wounded by the enemy’s schemes that have ensnared those under the Network’s influence. May God get glory from the deliverance of each person that comes out.